Countdown: the week's 25 most useless music stories

Published Jul 18 2008, 12:00 PM by Carly Carioli

25. Pantera's Vinnie Paul -- no doubt thinking about Hendrix's guitar and that Sgt. Pepper drum -- auctions his oven on Ebay.

24. Miley Cyrus comes thiiiiiiiiiiiis close to a Vanessa Hudgens moment: wet T-shirt pix from hacked phone leaked to internet.

23. Harmonix employee recorded spilling details of Chinese Democracy; YouTube commentors beg for video to be taken down so he isn't fired.

22. Scott Storch in real-life version of Steve Martin's The Jerk.

21. Timbaland, who must be laughing his balls off at #22, on producing next Jay-Z album: "Some of the songs gonna sound like M.I.A. would rap on some of the beats. You gonna be like, 'Whoa!' But it's Jay on 'em. That means it reaches everywhere. I'mma have songs with bagpipes."

20. New Metallica album cover looks a little bit like a coffin, a lot liTuke a vagina.

19. If you think the new Girl Talk album is insane, wait till you see the videos.

18. Avril fans hack YouTube and are attempting to use view-inflation websites to make "Girlfriend" the site's first-ever 100-million-view video. The punchline? Avril's manager expects YouTube to pay for all that.

17. Brett Michaels breaks up with Rock of Love 2 winner. Seconds later, VH1 announces Rock of Love 3.

16. New AC-DC disc to be sold exclusively at Wal-Mart.

15. Evan Dando, out of songs again, to become first artist ever to release covers of both Christina Aguilera and the Misfits. New Varshons gets back to Lemonheads' Boston roots by enlisting Steve Tyler's daughter to sing backups on a Gram Parsons tune. And while everyone's talking about how he got Kate Moss to sing Arling and Cameron, we're more psyched about hearing Evan cover GG Allin and the Fuckemos.

14. Heroes star Hayden Panettiere's new video.

13. Boringest Farm Aid ever coming to ClearChannel shed near you.

12. Lily Allen rips off Take That, leaks new album tracks on her MySpace page.

11. Ben & Jerry's lure Elton John to Vermont with new "Yellow Brickle Road" ice-cream flavor.

10. Feist rewrites "1-2-3-4" for Sesame Street, improving lyrics immensely.

9. EU extends music copywright protection from 50 to 95 years. Beatles catalogue now safe until well after they're dead.

8. Obamapalooza: Kanye, Wyclef, N.E.R.D. to play Democratic National Convention. Low, Dosh, P.O.S. to play anti-Republican Convention gig in Minnesota. But what about that other half-Kenyan Harvard grad from Illinois?

7. "Now or Never," first single from High School Musical 3, leaked to Perez Hilton. New Jonas Bros tune, too!

6. Merchandising expert Gene Simmons to judge American Idol of ad jingles.

5. Thom Yorke caught in transparent bid to lock down market share of "Lazer Radiohead" over "Lazer Floyd" at late-night planetarium shows.

4. Fall Out Boy collaborate on song with T.I.

3. Eminem is back in the studio. Unfortunately, not with Britney Spears. Or Zack de la Rocha.

2. Pullitzer-winning LA Times music reporter Chuck Philips, of who-killed-Tupac infamy, gets pink slip.

1. Duff McKagan gives away seven-year-old album for free on internet, plots solo tour.

BONUS CRINGEWORTHY BOSTON BAND QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

RUNNER UP: "I am very excited to be a part of the CMJ Store. They have been really supportive of me from the very beginning... featuring me on their site, having me at their festival. I am proud to be associated with such an institution."
-- Eli Paperboy Reed, reacting to news that CMJ.com has discounted his album to under $12

WINNER: "Howdy, all. Well, we've all put a lot of effort and time into this opportunity, but it's vote-based and me saying 'please vote for my band!' over and over obviously doesn't move everybody like I wish it would. Look, this is the last day of voting. The other bands are on an absolute tear. We have to go on one too. Even if you hate Coldplay with a passion, you have to admit that playing that show, in front of a sold out Boston Garden, would be the single biggest opportunity that I've ever had musically, and I've been working on music for what seems like my whole life. If you've ever given a damn about the band, the music or what I'm doing with my life, or if you've ever felt like helping someone achieve a little piece of a dream, please just get 5 people to vote for us today. You don't have to enter an email address, or even any information, just click on the 'Vote For This Band' button and that's it."
-- Jason Dunn, lead singer of the Luxury, urging email list to vote in WFNX-sponsored contest to open for Coldplay at the Boston Garden

Filed Under: Lemonheads, Guns N Roses, Eminem, Feist, Metallica

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5 Comments

Eli Reed said:

Thanks Ed Valauskas for making up such a good quote!!

July 18, 2008 3:51 PM
Jason Dunn said:

Thanks, Carly, for being such an attentive writer, and so dedicated to the scene around you... believe me, if anyone's sensitive to how amazingly annoying those get-out-the-vote emails are it's me, right now. You've successfully shamed and humiliated me and I absolutely deserve it. We never should have entered the contest in the first place, much less kept updating our fan base with how the contest was going and how we needed their help to make it happen.

Rest assured that as we take the stage at the Boston Garden tomorrow, opening for Coldplay, I'll be sure to think of nothing but how Carly Carioli cut-and-pasted one of my personal emails to my own personal email list (not our mailing list, friend, my personal gmail contact list) and pointed out how pathetic I am for asking my friends for their help. I'll be so thoroughly ashamed that I'll be lucky if I can remember how to play guitar.

Following the gig, I'll forever keep in mind that I'm an insignificant player in a game that I'll never understand, and never try to do anything significant again. In fact, I firmly resolve to put down my music forever in favor of following music blogs.

August 4, 2008 2:12 AM
Jason Dunn said:

Actually, after a good night's sleep I think I've decided to have the time of my life instead.

Cheers, CC.

August 4, 2008 9:19 AM

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Countdown: the week's 25 most useless music stories

5 Comments

Eli Reed said:

Jason Dunn said:

Jason Dunn said:

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