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BRETT MICHEL

Latest Articles

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The Eye

Two directers and still unoriginal
“I see . . . ,” says formerly blind concert violinist Sydney Wells (Jessica Alba, not believable as a musician even while visionless).
By BRETT MICHEL  |  February 06, 2008

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Teeth

An uncomfortable horror/comedy hybrid
Nearly 45 minutes of expectant foreplay culminates in an unsatisfying, messy anti-climax that’s, well, toothless.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  January 23, 2008

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El Orfanato | The Orphanage

An unoriginal technician's piece
Seek elsewhere if you’re hoping for the transporting originality of last year’s El laberinto del fauno|Pan’s Labyrinth .
By BRETT MICHEL  |  January 09, 2008

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Bodysong

The perfect fusion of sound and vision
From more than 400 sources, he’s created an operatic narrative of a single human life.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  December 31, 2007

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Alien vs. Predator: Requiem

Genre futility
What a fitting subtitle for Fox’s latest offense to fans of not one but two venerable sci-fi properties.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  December 31, 2007

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The Great Debaters

The deck is stacked
The deck is stacked in favor of our earnest heroes, since Robert Eisele’s formulaic script never once allows our debaters to argue a contrarian’s viewpoint.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  December 26, 2007

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Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Easy jokes? Absolutely
Stupid? Sure, but laced with a strange sense of logic.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  December 19, 2007

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Close shave

Tim Burton’s latest is bloody good
If it weren’t for his beloved turn as Jack Sparrow in Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, Johnny Depp would best be known as the cinematic alter ego of Tim Burton.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  December 18, 2007

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What Would Jesus Buy?

Shopocalypse flop
As much as Talen believes his shill, he’s a performance artist posing as a preacher, on a mission conceived with and funded by his producers.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  December 12, 2007

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Outsourced

Ah, globalism
When Todd Anderson loses his job managing a Seattle catalogue-fulfillment call center, he soon finds himself on a plane to India . . . to train his own replacement.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  December 12, 2007

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How To Cook Your Life

Bring coffee
Adored by students, immune to his tantrums (he cries more than the cast of Spider-Man 3 ), Brown is still an easy-going charmer.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  December 05, 2007

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Undoing

Noir makes a return
Tom Bower is the grizzled glue that keeps the picture from coming undone.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  December 05, 2007

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Blade Runner: The Final Cut

A cohesive revision from Ridley Scott
Neither the dick nor the dancer is entirely “human,” but that’s the clever conceit of Ridley Scott’s dystopian vision of 2019 Los Angeles.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  November 14, 2007

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Exiled

Bloody shootouts nearly taint the broth
Johnny To’s pistol-blazing follow-up to Election and Triad Election reunites him with much of the cast from his cinematic diptych.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  October 31, 2007

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Sharkwater

The horrors of the "shark-fin mafia"
Watson is briefly shown here clashing with pirates, only to be sued for doing so.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  October 31, 2007

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The Final Season

Unintentional sports comedy
Sean Astin’s latest starring role finds him aiming to hit the emotional high he achieved in 1993’s Rudy .
By BRETT MICHEL  |  October 17, 2007

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We Own the Night

Gritty, macho, and lacking in grace
James Gray’s film is in dire need of plausibility.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  October 10, 2007

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And justice for one . . .

Clooney cleans up as Michael Clayton
“I’m not a miracle worker, I’m a janitor.”
By BRETT MICHEL  |  October 03, 2007

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The Heartbreak Kid

Dragging out funny
The only honor the remake is likely to vie for is “most athletic sex scene” at the MTV Movie Awards. That, or “most audible queef.”
By BRETT MICHEL  |  October 03, 2007

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Resident Evil: Extinction

A nail in the RE coffin
Meanwhile, the deep-pocketed Umbrella Corporation continues its nefarious schemes — puzzling, given the lack of commerce in an undead society.
By BRETT MICHEL  |  September 26, 2007
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