What was a “friend with benefits” in high school becomes a “fuck buddy” in college. STDs are a very real concern, with AIDS a fear in the background and herpes in the foreground. The Internet obviously makes it much easier to flirt, hook-up, or prowl. And in a Google world, the only people who wouldn’t mind their moms or employers or prospective dates finding their names beside a quote about being on the receiving end of a “beejay” tend to be exhibitionists — which is a big reason why the following subjects aren’t identified by their real names. They’re also not meant to represent the entire sexual spectrum (note the lack of “furries”). But these people are plenty real: they’re your buddies, neighbors, acquaintances, classmates, exes, and MySpace friends. And they all, in some form of another, like to have sex.
Oral doesn't necessarily count
SM, 25, 14 previous partners
Jarred is the sort of guy who’s always consorting with cute, Converse-clad ladies at rock shows or flirting with courier-bagged women at bars. Active in the local art and music scenes, he’s definitely not a locker-room jock, but the Allston resident answers sex survey–type questions with self-aware, yet stereotypically male, responses. Ask Jarred if he masturbates daily, and he scoffs: “Yes, c’mon, I’m a dude.” What does he think about? “I dunno, past experiences that’re memorable, experiences that you think could happen, people way out of your league. It’s a spank bank — every dude’s got one. You just look through the Rolodex until you get something you like.”
Jarred has slept with 14 women, three of them in 2006. He considers these stats “norm to low norm” for his age and views his sexual history as fairly typical. He’s been in three serious relationships in the past four years, hasn’t ever cheated, has had sex in a few public places (including a library bathroom), and once had an oral threesome with two girls. “We all thought each other was attractive, we happened to be in the same place, and all of our pants happened to come off. And then once that happens, what’re you gonna do? Play Nintendogs? No, you’re getting a beej.”
And Jarred is pretty sure his oral-sex history is also standard for twentysomething single men: about 30 partners, or more than twice the number of people he’s actually slept with. “Beejays are just more common,” he declares. “No one really wants to be the person who has sex on the first date. But if things are going well, and both parties are really into it, it’s the classic [situation]: you’re making out and all of a sudden, there’s a lot of missing clothing, and you’re like, ‘We shouldn’t do this.’ ”
There’s no going back from actual intercourse — and oral doesn’t necessarily count. “[Once] you cross that, there’s no talking your way out of it. You did it.” Besides, he points out, most people see oral sex as making a person less vulnerable. “When you’re really getting into having sex, your arms are flailing around, and you’re muttering shit, and if it’s really good, you have no idea what’s going on. And that level of personal intimacy is still something that’s kind of private. And that’s something you maybe don’t want to share with everybody.” He pauses. “But then again it’s weird because [oral] is also arguably more intimate. You’re right there — you’re staring at it.”
