Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’m 21 and recently came out to my best friend, another really attractive, metro male. Since then, we’ve been closer than ever. He identifies as straight, but sometimes I’m thrown. He hates when guys hit on him, yet he continues to go to gay clubs. As beautiful as he is, he’s never had a girlfriend. Around guys, he’s tough and extremely masculine, but he’s so much softer and natural around me. We’ve often slept in the same bed (something he has NEVER done with another guy, let alone a gay one), and he tells me he misses me when we aren’t hanging out a lot. Is he just a really nice straight guy, does he harbor some hidden “gay” feelings for me, or better yet, is he actually gay?
_Bill
Dear Bill,
Most straight men do not sleep in the same bed as their gay male friends. Most straight men do not habitually hang out at gay bars. It sounds to Dr. Lovemonkey like your friend is gay. He probably admires you for being out and desperately needs to come out himself. He may be going through the type of identity crisis faced by many LGBT folks in a straight-dominated society. Gently help him to accept who he is. He will be much happier and so will everyone else.
Lighten up
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My boyfriend and I have been going out, off and on, for almost seven months. He’s broken up with me two times, and it really broke my 14-year-old heart. I feel like the reason he broke up with me was because I became dull and boring. How can I become irresistible and everything that he wants?
_Janey
Dear Janey,
You’re 14 years old, so you should realize you’ll probably have more than this one boyfriend in your life. Heartbreak and split-ups will occur, and you just have to roll with the punches. I know you don’t want to hear this, but maybe he’s the boy for you — and maybe he’s not. Time will tell.
Chick magnet
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been dating a man for almost one year. We are in love, live together, and plan to marry. My biggest problem is the number of girls who are all over him (he is very attractive, sweet, and very kind). He naturally enjoys all of the attention. What I really dislike is how he doesn’t do anything to stop these girls. He sees nothing wrong with it, claiming everyone is “just a friend.”
At 25, I’m worried if he'll be able to stop the bigger advances. I want my man to understand how much it hurts for him to think these girls’ inappropriate business is okay, and I want him to draw a line between friends and this type of behavior. He gets notes at work, massages (giving and receiving), girls dance with him, and play with his hair. He constantly assures me (at home) that he loves me and won’t cheat, but he allows this to happen, and it hurts! I don’t know how much more I can take. What should I do?
_Marie in Riverside
Dear Marie,
Tell him what you told me — that you consider it inappropriate for him to be so eager to play into all this sort of cutesy attention. Tell him that you feel hurt when it happens, and that it is up to him to create some boundaries. If this doesn’t make an impression on him, you might pull back a bit. You are correct. His behavior is inappropriate and he is virtually urging something to happen.
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Dr. Lovemonkey: rudycheeks@prodigy.net
