Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I recently stopped seeing an ardent admirer, who, over the last six months, had given me a few very nice pieces of jewelry. Is it proper etiquette to return the jewelry? I have no desire to see this guy again, nor do I care whether I keep the jewelry, as lovely as it is. I just want to have a feel for the appropriate course of action.
_Carrie
Dear Carrie,
Your course of action should depend on the nature of your relationship with this guy and the circumstances of the break-up. Judging from your letter, it doesn’t seem like you were engaged or headed in that direction. If the break-up was civil and devoid of a great deal of hemming and hawing on his part, mail him the jewelry with a short note explaining that you don’t wish to keep it.
On the prowl
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
A few weeks ago, my lover left me to be with someone else. During our relationship we experimented with all things sexual. I even watched him receive oral sex from a transvestite one night. Now that he’s gone, I am trying to figure out how to move on, both emotionally and sexually. I know that time will take care of the pain in my heart, but I am wondering how to fill the void in my sex life. I have read personal ads and am interested in continuing to experiment, perhaps with a woman or a couple. I am wondering how safe this is since I have never been in this position before.
_Curious
Dear Curious,
It’s probably about as safe as it was with Experimental Boy — which is to say, not very. Precautions should be taken when one is engaged in sexual experimentation. I assume you are familiar with the host of sexually transmittable diseases that are out there. If not, get up to speed on them. As the old saw goes, you are sleeping with everyone your sexual partner(s) have had sexual relations with, and vice versa.
Apparently, your plan is to engage in risky behavior. This is true regardless of how you manage to recruit your sexual partners, because of the greater degree of anonymity. The old-fashioned routine of meeting someone, getting to know them well, and then sharing intimacy and a commitment, is not a failsafe method, but it has many more built in safeguards, emotionally and from a health perspective, than your modus operandi. To quote Bela Lugosi in Glen or Glenda, “Bevare, take care, bevare.”
Culture jamming
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
There are these anti-abortion protesters who appear about three times a week in my neighborhood. They carry scary posters of aborted fetuses, basically terrorizing the neighborhood. Do you have any ideas what can be done about them?
_B.M.
Dear B.M.,
They’ll never stop — and they’ve got their right to free speech — but if you’d like to screw up their protest a little, you need about 10 friends. Have them dress in clown outfits, leotards, and spandex, with one guy in a top hat and tails. Bring signs that say, “Adam & Steve’s All Gay Circus,” and join the protesters on the sidewalk. Passersby will think it’s your show. Have fun.
Email the author
Dr. Lovemonkey: rudycheeks@prodigy.net.
