Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Five years ago, I had a relationship with a woman that lasted about a year-and-a-half. It was wonderful. To this day, she was the love of my life. I moved away because of a family situation and continued to communicate, but we gradually lost touch with each other. Nonetheless, she has remained on my mind. I recently found out that she is living nearby and still single. I would like to see her again, but I don’t know how to go about it. Do you have any suggestions?
_Alan
Dear Alan,
Get in touch with her via the mail. If you were to just call or show up at her doorstep, it could put her in a very awkward position. You would feel awkward as well.
Send her a nice note, inviting her to catch up on what’s been happening with both of you for the past few years. Don’t profess your undying love for her. Make it as open-ended and as non-intimate as possible. After all, you don’t know how she might feel at this time. It will be up to her to make the next move. If she’s interested in seeing you, make it a friendly, non-romantic thing. Take it very slow. Who knows? Perhaps she has been pining for you as well and everything will rapidly reveal itself. Good luck.
Wavering fellow
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I met the most beautiful women the other day and asked her to have a cup of coffee with me. I was naturally quite nervous, so I don’t think I came off so well. I also happen to be married, and I told her this. Although I am attracted to her, I don’t want to have an affair. That would not be right. I know I need to decide what I want, but I am afraid I might lose contact with this woman. Help! What do I do?
_Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You say that having an affair would be wrong, but you seem to be inching in this direction. At present, you haven’t done anything wrong, behavior-wise. Your concern about keeping your options open belies your recognition that it would be wrong to have an affair. Fortunately, this woman has revealed good judgment by indicating her reluctance to have a cup of coffee with you. You are trying to convince yourself that your line of behavior is appropriate. It is not. Stop now before you end up damaging a number of lives.
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Dr Lovemonkey: rudycheeks@prodigy.net.
