Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Well, I’ve liked this guy for about a year — and I know he knows — but he says the only way he’d go out with me is if I give him head! But I’m 14 and he’s 17. What should I do?
_Confused
Dear Confused,
Many years ago, in a bygone era known as “1998,” a story emerged about a younger woman who liked an older guy and who subsequently offered him head or, as we old geezers call it, fellatio. There was nothing but trouble for both of them. Much of this had to do with how the older guy was the president of the United States.
Public humiliation, accidental celebrity, and many of the elements of this other story will likely not occur in your case. But no good will come of it. Any 17-year-old guy who tries to coerce a 14-year-old girl into performing fellatio on him is a user. He wants to use you for his own enjoyment and would probably discard you (to paraphrase Tom Waits) like “a spent piece of jet trash.” This guy is manipulative, selfish, and abusive. You should be more than just an instrument for his momentary gratification. Maybe you like him because he’s “cute,” but he’s also an asshole, and you should wipe him out of your mind.
Natural selection
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a very attractive woman in my early 30s. Many men approach me and want to take me out. My problem is how the men I’ve been choosing are not ready for a real relationship. In the past year, I have taken to being very upfront and telling men that I am looking for a monogamous relationship. Some are honest enough to say they are not ready for that, and that is fine. Others tell me they want the same thing, but then start claiming that work or whatever keeps them from calling or seeing me (and I am not very demanding. I’d be happy enough to see them once a week, with maybe a phone conversation or two mid-week). I caught the last guy going out with another woman, and immediately ended it. What am I doing wrong? What should I do — or not do — to ensure my next choice will be better?
_My Own Worst Enemy
Dear My,
It’s hard to say if you’re doing anything wrong or if you’ve just had a recent run of bad luck. You might want to consider how you select the men with whom you’ve been going out. Some people gravitate toward fun-loving irresponsible types. Are you attracted to these seemingly exciting guys? Insecurity is definitely not attractive, so it is natural to find the “cool” guys more interesting. Sometimes, though, the “cool” guys exude an “I don’t give a shit” attitude because, in fact, they don’t give a shit. My advice is to be a bit more circumspect in deciding which guys to date. Give things a little more time and get beyond the “first impression” stage. Some worthwhile guys initially seem none too exciting. Take it slow and easy, and maybe your luck will change.
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Dr. Lovemonkey: rudycheeks@prodigy.net
