Values voter
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am looking for a guy who is tall, handsome, has graduated from a prestigious school, makes a good deal of money, and doesn’t have kids but desperately wants to have them with me. Do you think it is wrong for me to want all of these things that, to me, would represent a good and comfortable life? Some people might think I am shallow or overly selfish, but these things matter to me. What do you think?
_A.A.
Dear A.A.,
I do not believe that your wants make you shallow or overly selfish, but you long for qualities that are not necessarily going to make you happy (unless, of course, you are thoroughly shallow and selfish, but I suspect you are not). You may find a tall, handsome, rich guy who turns out to be a total bastard. Is that okay by you? Would you find it edifying to live with him if he were a shallow, selfish person? Probably not, and while there is nothing wrong with being tall, handsome, rich, etc. the more important qualities are those of love, respect, thoughtfulness, conscience, etc. You should be more interested in pursuing these other qualities.
Mr. Wrong
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’ve been seeing this guy, and, although we’re not going together or anything, we do have sex quite frequently. I think I love him, but something is really amiss. He has said I’m not very interesting sexually, and told me I’d have to pay him $25 to have sex with him, and I did. I know it was wrong, but I can’t help it.
_Hooked
Dear Hooked,
No matter what you feel, this “relationship” is trouble. It is going to create more trouble and ultimately do serious damage to you and probably everyone who cares about you. Get the hell out now. Would you pay me $25 for this advice? Probably not, but it is of far greater value than your one-eyed trouser snake adventure with Mr. Wrong.
Surrealism time
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I went to a magic place with talking animals. They were trying to tell me they were trapped in the castle and could not get out until the Bad Queen was banished. I am not entirely certain how to get back to the magic place. I should look in the magic mirror, but I am afraid that this information was not passed on to me by a friend and that looking into the magic mirror will put me in a bad place. What should I do?
_The Prince
Dear Prince,
You should not waste precious time writing to Dr. Lovemonkey. Instead, you should make immediate contact with Butler Hospital or the Samaritans. Both are in the phone book. One brief question, just for my own information: the talking animals in the magic place — did they talk in such a way that it looked like someone was sending electrical currents to their lips, like Mr. Ed? I was just wondering.
Email the author
Rudy Cheeks: rudycheeks@prodigy.net
