Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
You missed a good opportunity when one of your readers inquired a few weeks back about your knowledge of good pick-up lines. I’ve found that “I bet you don’t have a hair on your hoochie” can be very effective in the right situations. This fascinating subject is worthy of more study.
_Chris in Exeter
Dear Chris,
I’m sure your thoughtful and tender pick-up line has been quite effective – if you define success as getting punched and kicked by the would-be object of your affection. I once heard of a guy who went around at freshman college mixers, approaching every woman he met by saying, “Would you like to have sex with me?” Although he would be humiliated and perhaps gain a reputation as a cretin, he figured he would eventually find a few gals who were solely interested in having sex and who didn’t care about the preliminaries of standard human conduct.
Hot and bothered
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for four months. I recently found out that she has been in contact with her ex-boyfriend after she told me that she wasn’t. I asked her, after she finally acknowledged the truth, if she wanted to get back together with him. This made her angry. She said if I don’t really trust her, I should say so. I have tried apologizing, but to no avail. I still care for her and would like to continue working on our relationship, but I don’t know how to approach her because she gets angry.
_Needing Help
Dear Needing,
You might want to rethink your commitment to your girlfriend. It sounds as if you’re both — especially her — having some maturity issues. If you want to continue this relationship, you’ll have to prove to her that you do trust her. Do you? If you do, stick your neck out, but I suspect that exposing your neck is the wrong thing, and that it would be better to move on.
All in a name
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’ve been going out with a guy for the past couple of years. We are both in our forties, have been around, and have a pretty good relationship. He generally comes over to my place on weekdays, never on weekends (although that fits well with both of our schedules), and I have never been to his house. My adult daughter is curious and a bit suspicious, so one night she checked out his wallet, cell phone, and some other stuff. There’s no criminal record, and apparently no wife or kids, but the name he’s using with me IS NOT HIS REAL NAME! So what’s up with that?
_Stuck In a Hitchcock Movie
Dear Stuck,
Maybe it’s the ID in his wallet that’s fake. Regardless, something disturbing, although less than sub-Hitchcockian, seems to be going on with this guy. Ask who he is and what it’s all about. If he turns out to be a terrorist and kills you, Dr. Lovemonkey was wrong. But you should dig a little deeper. There could be a reasonable explanation (and Dr. Lovemonkey might get the Nobel Peace Prize this year).
Email the author
Rudy Cheeks: rudycheeks@prodigy.net
