Go balls deep
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I understand from a friend that you can tell if a man has recently had sex by checking his testicles. If his balls feel full and tight, then the man has not had sex in a few days. If his testicles seem limp and mushy, however, it’s either because we just had sex or since I have not seen him in a while — which leads me to suspect that something has been going on. So, what’s the deal with this?
_B.D.
Dear B.D.,
There is no scientific validity to your friend’s testicular theories. The firmness/looseness of one’s scrotum pertains to the design, which is meant to keep sperm at the optimal temperature. This is why when a male’s body is cold, the scrotum shrinks. If you think your man has been running around with someone else, ask him. Lurking around his scrotum with calipers and tiny scales is not going to tell you anything — although it might tell him that you are off your rocker.
Call of the wild
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I met this guy (who is really good looking) at a bar last week. We had a pretty good time laughing and joking, and near the end of the night, he gave me his phone number and told me to give him a call. This rarely happens. I thought it was really a very good sign that he would give me control of the situation. Should I hold off before calling him or call him up right away?
_Rarin’ To Go
Dear Rarin’,
It depends on how soon you want to see him. On the other hand, your notion that he has somehow ceded some sort of “control” to you is totally wrongheaded. He’ll still decide if he’s going to go out with you. All he’s done is put you in the position of asking him out. Perhaps he’s given this kind of “control” to a bunch of different women and just sits around waiting for their calls. Dr. Lovemonkey is not discouraging you from seeing this guy, but please don’t think he’s done you any favors or “empowered” you in any way.
High anxiety
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My husband wants to go on a dangerous expedition. I am afraid that he will never come home. He has always been involved in lots of dangerous outdoor endeavors, but this one I consider particularly dangerous. People have died doing this. He says he wants to do this now, because he won’t continue taking such risks after we have children. How can I stop him?
_Scared Wife
Dear Scared,
You have known about your husband’s daredevil tendencies for some time. That he has said he’ll not take such risks if he becomes a father indicates his understanding of the danger. I don’t think that you can stop him, unless you say that you’ll leave. I don’t think you will — and nor does he.
Email the author
Rudy Cheeks: rudycheeks@prodigy.net
