Family ties
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a 24-year-old male college graduate and live with my 23-year-old girlfriend. We are employed in good jobs and recently bought our own home. My two older sisters are not in as stable a situation as me due, quite frankly, to some of the choices they have made.
My mother recently contacted me and asked if she could stay with us. She is trying to break away from an abusive relationship with my step-father (it has been abusive for at least a decade, and she has left and gone back numerous times). I told her, of course, that she could stay with us. She then told me that she wants to leave her job (she’s got a pretty good one) and “be a mom” for a while (longer than a year). She also mentions a new “husband” (she’s not divorced from the last one yet). I am concerned that if I allow her to move in, it may be a very difficult situation. What are my obligations to my mother?
_BF in Pawtucket
Dear BF,
Your obligations do not include giving control of your life to your mother. It sounds like she is using you and planning on a long stretch of dependency. All she needs is some putz to foot the bill and you are so designated. Do what you can do to take care of family, but when it comes to being an enabler to their dependencies, you do them no favors by playing into it. A more dramatic variation on this would be helping your addicted brother to cop bags on the street. Give mom enough money for two weeks’ rent on a room at the Dr. Dubious Lounge, three squares at Haven Brothers, and a bus ticket to Sandusky, Ohio.
Hiding in plain sight
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been sleeping with my boyfriend for a few months. My mother has told me that we can’t have sex at our house, and we can’t go to his house, because they won’t let him bring a girl into his bedroom. We are both 16 and live at home. This basically leaves us with having sex in public places, and the more we do that, the more we are afraid of getting caught. I would be interested in knowing what the laws are on this. Is public sex considered a felony or a misdemeanor? Are there fewer penalties if you are under the age of 18? What happens if you are not caught, but someone reports you to the police?
_Jaye
Dear Jaye,
Forget about the legal ramifications. It sounds to Dr. Lovemonkey like both you and your boyfriend’s parents are trying to do the right thing, which is to discourage 16-year-olds from being sexually active. You do not have to have sex. At your age and maturity level, it is irresponsible to be having sex.
I know that you don’t want to hear this, but sex has emotional implications, health implications (like STDs), and other implications (like, how are you going to pay for that baby for the next 20-plus years). In other words, when the young, irresponsible, and unprepared get involved in regular sexual activity, this immediately doubles or triples the odds that they will ruin their and other peoples’ lives. It’s like playing with a loaded gun, and I suspect that you are not a trick shot artist who will escape unscathed.
Email the author
Rudy Cheeks: rudycheeks@prodigy.net
