BAD MATCH
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
A longtime friend of mine began going out with and eventually married a man who is mentally ill, violent, and dangerous. Because my family and I have not embraced this man or their marriage, my friend is angry with me. Despite quite bad circumstances, I remain committed to being supportive of my friend when she eventually regains her senses and rids herself of this terrible person. In the meantime, I don’t know how to let her know that this is the case. She is hurt and angry, and while we would love to see her, we don’t want anything to do with her husband. Do you have any suggestions?
_Sad, Sad, Sad
Dear Sad,
There is very little you can do about this. People that we know and care about sometimes have problems. Anyone who would marry a dangerous and violent man has a fairly serious problem with her judgment. Continue to reach out to her and let her know that you care about her. She may not be able to accept this, because she is so hurt and angry that you won’t accept her husband, but keep trying. That’s about it, though. Make yourself available and hope for the best.
A FRIEND IN NEED
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My best friend Meg has really fallen for this guy. They are both 15 and way too involved and intense. They are planning to get together for a weekend. They are doing it by getting a friend to lie and tell Meg’s parents that she’s staying over at her parents’ house. In the meantime, Glenn (the boyfriend) has stolen a key to get into this beach house, to stay there. There will be drinking. Here is the part that really bothers me: all our friends think this is really cool and romantic. Meg has changed since she’s been with Glenn, and it hasn’t been in a good way. I would really like to call her mother or father up and blow the whistle, but I’m afraid I will be found out and that she’ll never speak to me again.
_A.A.
Dear A.A.,
Let me consult my checklist on this: lying, stealing, illegal drinking, and the opportunity to contact STDs or become pregnant. Perhaps we could mix it up a little and drive an automobile after imbibing alcoholic beverages and maim or kill someone in a fiery accident. These are all potential events that could make for one truly memorable (but a bit less than romantic) weekend. Yeah, you might put a serious wrench in your friendship with Meg. You also might save her life. Maybe having her alive, and healthy, and angry with you is worth it. If something really bad happens over this “special weekend,” you will never forgive yourself. You know what to do.
AVANT-KID
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My daughter is 16 years old, so you would think she would be into the sort of music that her peers like, but she seems to be taken by Sun Ra’s Solar Arkestra, Bach, Mozart, and some very weird records, by someone named Harry Partch, that sound like banging on pipes and weird humming. The other kids don’t get it, and I fear that she is becoming a pariah. What should I do?
_Concerned Mom
