Goofball at work
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have a co-worker (actually more of a co-non-worker) who puts in a solid 12 hours of work for the 40 hours for which she is paid. She hangs out and gabs with the other employees, takes long lunches, and, in general, is worthless. What is really irritating is how this is really unfair to those of us who doing our jobs and picking up her slack. I just don’t understand how she’s been able to hold onto her job. I am sorely tempted to complain about her, but I’m not exactly sure how to go about this. Should I speak up, and if so, what’s the best way to go about this?
_E.W.S.
Dear E.W.S.,
It is hard to understand how your co-worker has held onto her job. But it would not necessarily be wise to complain about her. In general, there are two ways this can go: if your company is reasonably well-run, it will pick up on your co-worker’s deficiencies soon enough. Then again, if the culture of your company is dysfunctional, your co-worker may continue to flourish, and you could be out the door. If your workplace is screwed up, no-nonsense hard-working types are not likely to get ahead, just exploited and discarded. There is the strategy where you ace out your co-worker by sleeping with the boss, start acting like a Joan Collins character from a bad TV show, and demand that the co-worker she be fired. Sounds cool, but I suspect that it only happens in actual bad TV shows.
Moved by Mugabe
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am engaged to be married and have only one demand of my bride-to-be before we marry: that she wear a Robert Mugabe T-shirt for the week of our wedding. I made this T-shirt myself, with the photographic likeness of Mugabe taken from a magazine photo. I have assured her that she has no reason to fear copyright-infringement issues, as I have bribed all of the appropriate officials with quite generous sums of money. Do you think that she doesn’t love me, or doesn’t trust me? She is threatening to call the wedding off.
_Confused in West Warwick
Dear Confused,
I can’t imagine why your bride-to-be would object to such a simple and inherently romantic gesture. Have you suggested an alternative that would be just as appropriate? Perhaps you should ask her to eat an automobile. Not a large automobile, but a little sports car. This takes quite a lot of time, so after a few days you can say, “All right, you don’t have to eat the whole car. You’ve proven your love for me by eating the car for three days.” If this works, you’ll be able to slip into matching Robert Mugabe T-shirts before your first anniversary. Oh, there’s one last thing. Please do not ever write to me again.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to rudycheeks@prodigy.net.
