Bumpy road ahead
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey
Two years ago, I lived in Florida and met this young man. We fell deeply in love with each other. He’s so sweet and romantic. Then that same year I met him, my mother became homesick and decided that we should move back to Rhode Island. Over the past two years, we have kept in contact with each other, and now that college is right around the corner for me, he wants me to move back down there. But I’m not in love with him any more. I’m in love with someone else and plan on going to college with them. I desperately need to tell the first guy before he comes up for my graduation in June. So how do I break it to him easily without hurting his feelings?
_Desperately in Need
Dear Desperately,
The opportunity to break it off with without hurting the guy’s feelings has probably passed. As you were moving on and getting involved with someone else, you should have let him know how you felt. You do have until June, however, to slowly break it to him that your feelings have changed. It isn’t necessary to let him know that you are “in love with someone else,” just that you no longer have feelings for him. I hope you are both young and resilient. Don’t be surprised if there are more changes in your love life.
Slightly less bumpy
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I think I’m beginning to fall for someone and that that person is also falling for me. Although we’ve actually known each other for almost eight years (on a pretty surface level), we've been dating for only about a month. The problem is he does not know that I'm divorced. My marriage lasted for less than a year, and I don’t have any children. The first relationship after my marriage didn’t work out, and I’m afraid that this will go badly if I tell him about the divorce. I know that it is right to tell the truth, but I’m really torn. What should I do?
_Confused
Dear Confused,
You have much in common with “Desperately in Need,” in that your problem stems from not being open and honest right in the beginning. The longer you wait to tell this person about your past, the more difficult it will be. A past divorce is not a big, terrible blot, but an indication that a mistake was made and this happens with all humans. You should talk about it.
The truth on liars
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a compulsive liar. I am not proud of this, but I’m pretty good at embellishing stories that are already interesting. Sometimes I end up embarrassing myself when I trip myself up with my falsehoods. Do you have any sense of why I do this, and any advice on how I can stop it? In general, I’m a pretty good and stable person, but I have struggled with this for some time.
_J.D. in Seekonk
Dear J.D.,
I suspect this is just one of the ways in which your insecurity manifests. Everyone has insecurities. You have to really concentrate on stopping the embellishments. Try immediately backing up, like when you’ve just told somebody that you met George Clooney once and really hit it off, wait a beat and say, “Well, this wasn’t actually in Los Angeles, but in Warwick, and it wasn’t really George Clooney, but Dennis Clooney, who isn’t in the movies but repairs washers and dryers.” This may turn out to be a funnier story than your original bogus one.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to rudycheeks@cox.net.
