Look, SAD, this isn’t a relationship: it’s a hostage situation. Your boyfriend is an asshole. Wait, maybe I’m not being fair — to assholes, which are as delightful as they are functional. Your boyfriend is a piece of shit, a loose stool, a Santorum slick. And you, my dear, have the worst case of lousy-relationship-induced Stockholm syndrome that I’ve ever encountered. Stockholm syndrome — when a hostage begins to identify with, and feel sympathy for, her captor — is the only possible explanation for the final paragraph of your letter, in which you meekly justify your boyfriend’s appalling behavior.
To steel your resolve to leave this piece of shit, SAD, let me clue you in to a few secrets of healthy relationships: where a large income disparity exists, household expenses are split based on the percentage that each individual’s income means to the couple’s total combined income. If he makes four times what you make, he should pay — and pay gladly — 80 percent of the household expenses, while you pay 20 percent. By insisting on a fifty-fifty split, your boyfriend is treating you like a roommate, not a girlfriend.
Moving on: a boyfriend is someone who comes to your aid when you need him. Sex? A loving boyfriend may make special requests ... but he does not force his girlfriend’s body into uncomfortable positions against her wishes, and he doesn’t withhold sex to punish her if she refuses to consent to being so abused. College? Yes, lots of people have put themselves through college, but lots of people have partners who helped them out when they were paying their way through college. Birthday dinners? Only a piece of shit threatens his less-well-off girlfriend with having to pay the difference if her birthday dinner goes over $50.
DTMFA, SAD, DTMFA! You can do better — hell, being alone would be better than being with this asshole. DTMFA!
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