Escape plan
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been married to my husband for almost 10 years. We have two children and some very big problems. About 18 months ago, we got into an argument about something small (so insignificant that I can’t even remember what it was), and it ended up with him beating me with our son’s tennis racket while I curled up in a closet. I left, but ended up coming back within a month.
Everything was okay until a few months ago, when he punched me in the head. I left and am living with my mother, but I continue to go over to see him. Just last week, we had an argument, and he ended up throwing a rock through my car windshield. Our kids were crying and frightened. He thinks if he says he’s sorry, everything will be okay, and we can forget what he’s done. I know I should get away from him, but I need help.
_In a Bad Situation
Dear In,
Help is available. Call .800.799.7233, or, if you have Internet access, visit www.ndvh.org. This will put you in contact with the National Domestic Violence Hotline and people there can offer assistance. DO NOT DELAY! Your life and the lives of your children are in grave danger. What you describe is a textbook example of domestic abuse. There is a very common ending to what you are experiencing, and you don’t want that. Please get help immediately.
Time to move on
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’ve been seeing a guy for almost three months, and we really don’t have much in common. I go to a pretty small school and there isn’t much of a pool of male talent. We enjoy ourselves when we are together, and he seems rather smitten with me, always telling me that I am beautiful and that he loves me. I am not unmoved by this, but I’m still not attracted to him the way that one should be. I’d like to see other people, but I’m having a problem breaking up, because I know that it will crush him. Any advice on how I can get out of this without hurting him?
_Need an Answer
Dear Need,
There really isn’t a way you can break it off without hurting this guy. But since you know that this is not the one, and because you are anxious to continue the search, it is better to break this off sooner rather than later. The longer you string him along, the more it will hurt him. The only reason you are hesitant is because this will be unpleasant. Do it soon — and be nice — but know that there’s no pleasant way out here.
Sloppy date
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’m a 42-year-old man and have been a single parent for some time. I’ve recently met a woman who interested me, but when I went to her home, it was so filthy and messy that there wasn’t even a place on the kitchen table to put down a plate. I was pretty turned off, and I’m not an extreme neatness freak by any stretch of the imagination. Do you have any advice on what to do?
_Put Off
Dear Put,
Yeah, fuhgeddaboutit! One can assume that the external messiness is matched by a number of other more appalling messy elements in this woman’s life.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to rudycheeks@cox.net.
