A noxious rush
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’m 17, and my girlfriend and I are big retro music fans. We listen to a wide variety of stuff, old and new, but she gives me shit whenever I play Rush. She tries to shame me into turning them off, and I become silent, bitter, and sad. Is it a fact (as I have observed) that women just can’t understand Rush? Do you think my girlfriend is being selfish or mean?
_Eddie P.
Dear Eddie,
No, your girlfriend is exhibiting good taste and discretion, while you have been sucked in by a bunch of Canadian blowhards who really suck. I applaud your girlfriend and implore you, Eddie P., to seek counseling and perhaps invest in some Bad Brains, Captain Beefheart, Glenn Gould, Yo-Yo Ma, Roomful of Blues, Ani DiFranco, or maybe even other Canadian misanthropes, such as the DeFranco Family (“Heartbeat — It’s a Lovebeat,” from 1973) who also suck, but as badly as Rush.
Sign language
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been considering going out with this guy who I know is interested in me. I’ve been trying to read his body language to get a better idea about his feelings. He’s a person of few words, so the better I can read his body language, the more I believe I will know. Do you have any knowledge of body language (especially in a relationship context), and if so, what can you tell me?
_Nan
Dear Nan,
There are a few things that are dead giveaways when it comes to hetero men and body language. First, because many hetero men tend to believe that woman are attracted to the dominant male in a room, look to see if he is strutting or waggling his buttocks in a flagrant manner. Has he stretched out to carve out a larger than normal amount of personal space? Have you witnessed him gnawing on an uncooked animal recently? These would be reasons to drop this quest. The pitching of a small mini-tent in the area of his crotch is a definite sign of interest. Does he appear to listen when you speak? Or is he trying to catch a hockey score on the radio, or too busy talking about his prowess at one-armed push-ups? This is also a giveaway.
Make a choice
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am an adventurous young woman who finds herself involved with a rather straight-laced young man. He is wonderful, has treated me better than anyone I’ve ever been with (we have been together for about six months), but he’s very uptight. I like spanking, choking, fisting, and other forms of anal sex. He won’t go along, so I’ve been with four other men recently who will deliver. I do not like being unfaithful, but I feel that he is pushing me by refusing to engage in my areas of interest. Should I hint more forcefully? I really care about him, and want this to work.
_Ms. Kinky
Dear Ms,
Here are your options as I see them: decide that you want to be with this guy, and accept that some of your sexual interests will be unmet; tell him that you really want to do this stuff and would like his permission to do this with others; or, if he won’t go along, tell him that you wish to break up and hope to find someone as wonderful as he is who will engage in more adventurous activities. You should not do what you have done — cheat on a person for whom you say you care. Be upfront about your decision.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to rudycheeeks@cox.net.
