(It's a) complex world
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’m a 21-year-old male college student. Over the past two years, I’ve had a very tumultuous relationship with a female. Complications occurred because I’ve been dealing with unresolved sexual orientation issues, as well as undiagnosed and untreated hereditary bi-polar disorder. An emotional roller coaster ensued for her, and I finally came out of the closet last fall. It was emotionally wrenching, especially with my traditional white middle class Irish Catholic family, and I ended up having to move out of the house for a few days. At that time, my female friend cared for me, deepening our bond of friendship. We thought we’d both go off with different guys, but every time I think about losing her, I lose it. And I don’t understand it. As it stands, she still loves me, but says she needs her space and is seeing another guy. I continue to pursue her (flowers, candy, stuffed animals, theater, dinner, etc.) but we end up in tears. What’s up with this?
_Johnny Walker, Texas Ranger Rick
Dear Johnny,
Perhaps you’re gay, perhaps you’re bisexual. This is a big shock for a girlfriend who thought you were straight. That you had been so close requires a very serious reassessment for her. Does she want to make a serious commitment with someone who has serious same-sex interest and is grappling with bi-polar disorder? I would say she is wisely keeping a certain distance. And are you still sensu-ally attracted to her? There may be a deep love for you, but if your sensual element is only for other men, you should back off with her. You’re both dealing with a lot. A bit more wisdom will come with patience. There will be suffering, but there will be less suffering if you don’t act rashly.
Single jerk
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
With the weather finally getting nice, we attended a big cookout/blowout the other night and we (our friends, my live-in girlfriend and I) were all pretty trashed. We were invited to crash at our hosts’ home. Needless to say, this made lots of sense. My girlfriend later told me that she woke up while everyone else was passed out and saw a very old and good friend of mine wake up, disrobe, and then get himself off while hovering near me. I don’t know how much this had to do with drunkenness, or if it was something more deliberate. We really don’t want to confront him, because it would be unpleasant, and I don’t under-stand what it was all about. What would you do?
_Friend
Dear Friend,
This was more than a little weird, and while no real harm was done, this has caused you and your girlfriend discomfort, and you’ll probably always have some misgivings about your old friend. So figure out a non-confrontational way to let him know that you know what he did, and see if or how he responds. He might claim he was just faced or some other baloney — don’t expect to find out what was go-ing on in his brain — but at least this will clear the air just a bit.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to rudycheeks@cox.net.
