Code of sisters
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I recently ran into an old friend of mine. We use to be rather close, but have not seen each other too frequently in recent years. She got married a couple of months ago. Recently (for the last four months, to be exact), I’ve been going out with a man with whom she had a relationship more than three years ago. When I ran into her, she expressed displeasure that I’m going out with her ex, implying that it is against some sort of unwritten code for a friend to date a good friend’s ex-boyfriend. I don’t get it. It seems to me that if a person has married, this “rule” — if there even is such a rule — ceases to exist. The fact that her relationship with this guy goes back a few years seems to be of some significance. Am I a thoughtless and insensitive friend, or is she nuts?
_A.K. in Middletown
Dear A.K.
I’m with you on this. I don’t see why there’s a problem, unless this long-ago couple’s break-up occurred on an unpleasant note and your friendship with her at the time was close. In that case, perhaps that would call for a bit more circumspection on your part. I am not familiar with this code that your friend seems to be citing. Even more so, the statute of limitations has passed, and especially considering how your friend is married, her perspective is way over the top.
A friend in need
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Almost four years ago, I lent a friend of mine $500. He had just been laid off of his job and needed the money for a mortgage payment. I was happy to help out. Over the past few years, my friend has brought up the loan a couple of times and said that if he did come into any money, he’d love to take me to Europe. A few months ago, he inherited a rather large sum when his father passed away. Mention of the outstanding loan has not cropped up again. I am reluctant to bring it up. However, I am not in great financial shape these days and could use the $500.
I don’t think it would be rude or inappropriate to bring this up, but how can I introduce this topic in as polite a way as possible?
_Feeling the Pinch
Dear Feeling,
There are circumstances when discussing money with friends would be considered rude. This, however, is not one of them. Your friend owes you, and one would think that, if he’s any sort of thoughtful friend at all, now that he is in a financial position to set things right, he’d want to get this monkey off of his back. It is altogether appropriate to call your friend, remind him that he borrowed $500 some time back, and that you would really appreciate it if he would repay you. This is blunt — not rude. If he mentions that elusive trip to Europe again (sounds like a classic stalling mechanism to Dr. Lovemonkey), just tell him, “Gee, that sounds swell, but if we could just get this loan cleared up now, I’d greatly appreciate it.” I hope I’m wrong here, but Dr. Lovemonkey detects a weasel.
Send questions and romantic quandaries torudycheeks@cox.net.
