DIFFERENT WAVELENGTHS
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have a weird ethical dilemma that might damage a new friendship at work. About four months ago, Lisa joined the company that I've been with for a number of years. We became fast friends. She is great fun. We have a lot in common and laugh a lot. We have been out together socially, and I noticed she is one of those people who buys pricey clothes at upscale stores, wears them once, and brings them back for a full discount. She takes good care to hide the labels, but I figured out what she was doing and find it completely wrong and outrageous. Should I say something to her about this behavior? I'm pretty certain that doing so would seriously damage a new friendship that has been enjoyable for both of us. What should I do?
Someone with a Conscience
Dear Someone,
You seem pretty certain, but do you know for sure what she is doing? If you are with her and it happens again, call her on it. However enjoyable your friendship, if you are not ethically on the same wavelength, it is highly likely that something else will crop up as an issue. So, if this is what she's all about, and not what you are all about — no matter how enjoyable her company — you should at least pull back and not spend so much time with her socially. I know this will be unpleasant, but if she is on a different ethical wavelength, there's not much chance that this will grow into a strong friendship.
WANDERING EYES
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have a problem that is probably not unique, but it is troubling. I'm a hetero male in my early 20s and have a live-in female partner. We have a great relationship, and I really don't want to do anything to damage it. But she is frequently out of town for a few days at a time, and I find myself lusting after some of the attractive young women with whom I work. I'm trying to keep my hormones under control, but find it very difficult. Do you have any advice?
Staying Faithful, Just Barely
Dear Staying,
It has probably crossed your mind that many of the most valuable things in life are not easy. Sure, you have the raging hormones, but your challenge is to continue to say to yourself that you will not go there — you will not do something that will hurt someone you care deeply about. Lustful feelings for those other than your significant other are common. When your lustful feelings begin, don't play into them and indulge yourself. Instead, try to focus on the one you really care about and what kind of damage you would do if you acted on your impulses. Is a brief romp in the sheets worth tossing away a relationship that has real depth and meaning to you? All sorts of thoughts and feelings pour into your brain. If you dwell on the ones that you know are wrong or stupid, and play into your obsessions, you'll eventually do something really dumb that you will regret.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to tillie27@verizon.net.
