Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My boyfriend of nine years is being a little difficult. My first cousin, with whom I am pretty close, is getting married in a month, but the wedding takes place on my boyfriend’s birthday. My boyfriend is refusing to go to the wedding because it is on his birthday. I have suggested to him that this is really selfish, but he doesn’t think so. What do you think?
_Maria
Dear Maria,
I think he’s not only selfish, but an asshole as well. You’ve been with this guy for nine years? I’ll bet you have a few other stories of his self-absorption. I also have to question how much of a commitment he has to you and the relationship. I’d start reconsidering this relationship if I were you.
Cream dreams
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’ve been dating a really great guy for about four months. He is very sexy and spontaneous, but recently he did something that I wasn’t totally thrilled about. I woke up with a dried substance all over my face. He must have masturbated after I fell asleep. He didn’t say anything about it the next day, either. I don’t mind this when I’m awake, but not while I’m sleeping. Should I talk to him about this?
_Unhappily Sticky
Dear Unhappily,
Yeah, I think that it might be a good idea to talk with your boyfriend. This is one-step below what Dr. Lovemonkey and his cronies used to call, when we were crude and thoughtless teens, “dead-sticking” — having sex with an unconscious partner. I am not aware of anyone I know ever having done this, but it would come up in conversation. The one upside of your story is how your “great guy” was masturbating over you and not a Carmen Electra Web site.
A matter of orientation
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a 43-year-old female and have been dating a 52-year-old male for the last three years. I recently found two travel guidebooks for gay men packed in a box in his closet. I really love this guy and wanted a future with him. How can I deal with this?
_J.F.
Dear J.F.,
First off, by rethinking the future aspect. Such scant information doesn’t necessarily mean that the man you’ve been dating is gay or bisexual, but you should make a point of discussing his sexual orientation. Perhaps he’s straight and has an anthropological interest in gay male culture -- okay, nobody’s buying that one. This is not to say that he doesn’t love you and care about you. But it’s possible that he’s not thinking about the future in the same way because he’s not interested in settling down with one woman or even one gender.
Dating dilemma
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’m a 30-year-old chick. I found a guy my age working in my town. I like him and we have great sex. He has a very large penis, but he doesn’t want a relationship “yet.” He only comes over to get laid when it’s convenient for him. So I met another really nice guy. I started dating him and found out he’s “snipped,” meaning he can’t have kids. I want kids, but I really like him. I’m afraid that if I dump the big dick for the new guy, I’ll never have kids. Also, I haven’t had sex with the new guy yet. What if he has a small penis? Should I have trial sex with him first and then dump him if his dick is small?
_Confused
Dear Confused,
Gee, I don’t know. Please don’t ever write to me again.
Email the author
Dr. Lovemonkey: rudycheeks@prodigy.net
