Michael Sucsy's The Vow's tag line, "based on a true story," is the only sincere moment in a film that will bring you to tears — of boredom. An adorable young couple crashes straight into over-wrought romantic territory when an accident leaves the wife (Rachel McAdams) with amnesia. The under-developed character of her husband (Channing Tatum) is the kind of loyal-and-lovable-man-porn that draws audiences to such Notebook knock-offs. As for the wife, she doesn't remember her family problems, the ex-boyfriend, or her marriage to Mr. Perfect. Can he win her heart again? Cue the flashbacks. Between their meet cute at the DMV and their spontaneous wedding in a museum, you'll vow never to watch another Valentine's Day movie. The film's Nicholas Sparks–style sweet nothings extract as many eye rolls as "aws"; it's a box of cheap chocolates for someone you just met and you're not really sure you care for.