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VIDEO: Watch trailer for Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Even as a 10-year-old Marvel Comics fan, I knew that the Silver Surfer (voiced by Laurence Fishburne) was a dumb character — I mean, the guy travels through space on a surfboard. But he comes as a stroke of genius compared with the mess Tim Story has made of this sequel. Stretchy Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd) plans to wed the Invisible Girl (Jessica Alba), but she’s already started henpecking him, insisting that he “focus on the wedding” instead of tending to his superhero duties. Her brother the Human Torch (Chris Evans) remains as charming as an extra in a Coors beer commercial, and the Thing (Michael Chiklis) still seems to be adjusting to hands that look like rubber catcher’s mitts. When the Surfer drops in, unleashing Doomsday, the quartet try to get their act together, and so does the movie. But despite some gratuitous allusions to Gitmo, the third-rate effects and the two-bit characters make this a summer wipeout.
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