NOT "BEAUTIFUL": James Blunt |
Lily Allen | We lurve being Lily’s friend on MySpace. Does that mean we have to post lies in her comments section and declare that “Smile” really is catchier than “Stars Are Blind?” Sorry, Lil. We thought it over. We’re going have to take you off our Top 8. Please don’t snivel about it; it’s so unattractive.Ashley Parker Angel | After O-Town broke-up, Ashley Angel assumed his aging pretty-boy status afforded him some God-given right to launch a solo career — assisted by a desperate MTV series that followed his every move. Suffice to say that anyone who names his unfortunate first-born child Lyric deserves a fate far worse than being relegated to the cut-out bin.
Tyra Banks | As if her baby-voiced criticisms on America’s Next Top Model weren’t bad enough, Banks used the popular UPN show to plug her horrifically pedestrian venture into pop music. We don’t care how many patent-pending Victoria’s Secret Ipex bras she can sell. “Shake Ya Body” gives us hives.
Fantasia Barrino | Her perpetually tear-stained face. Her wanna-be Macy Gray vocals. Her spastic bent-at-the-knee-I’m-really-feeling-this-song boogie. Her psychotic American Idol performance of “I Believe.” No. A whole world of no.
James Blunt | If we hear “You’re Beautiful” one more time, we might have to fashion a crude knife out of a Coke can and push it through our eardrums. Oh, and Blunt? This random chick might be a hottie, but Lord knows you’re not. Out of your league much?
Aaron Carter | So what if he landed his own show on the N? Jake Epstein, who stars as Craig “Heartthrob” Manning on the utterly addictive Degrassi: TNG, is way cuter, and he plays the guitar. Yeah, we went there.
Hilary Duff | “Wake Up” has a great hook, and we agree that Top 40 should get down with the Duffster instead of just leaving her to the yippy dogs of Disney Radio. It’s just that — well — she wears formal short-shorts. And they don’t look good on anybody.
Danity Kane | Worst. “Band.” Name. Ever. Plus, we’re picking up a heavy vibe that Puffy hates these bitches.
Avril Lavigne | We’re loath to pick on our favorite little pseudo-punk rocker. Except all of a sudden Avril’s a happy old married lady planning a new album that’s sure to be saturated in sap and maudlin ballads about her hubby. Is it evil to hope that Sk8tr Boi Deryck Whibley annuls their union (immediately, if not sooner) so that Av can get back in touch with her rage? Maybe, but until then, we’re not impressed — and we’re totally creeped out every time we see her crack a smile.
Jennifer Love Hewitt | Party of Five ruled, hardcore ’90s style, though Bailey’s long-term GF jumped the shark when she tried to gear-shift to a pop career. There’s a reason why, after releasing BareNaked, Love got spanked off the It Girl A-list and was downgraded to Hanes-Her-Way commercials — aside from the fact that she dated that toolbox Carson Daly. Her voice sucks. But hey, at least they still worship her in Japan.
