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Dirge overkill

Music Features

The Big Hurt: Hagar the horrible

You’ve probably heard about how a drunken Canadian fan got up on stage during an Oasis show in Toronto and just — DOINK! — toppled NOEL GALLAGHER like a domino. You’ve probably seen the clip on YouTube as well — it’s easily the best music video since the heyday of Michel Gondry. Anyway, Noel is still recuperating from his injuries, and he cancelled a recent NYC concert. That’s all the actual news I have to report on this subject, but I’m banking on the idea that Noel still injured = still funny.

The attacker’s name, address, and phone number were leaked to the Internet days after the attack, with angry Oasis fans crying for his blood. I tried contacting the assailant for a quick interview but he didn’t return my calls. If you’re reading this, Canadian guy, please take pride in the fact that you are — and so close to the anniversary of September 11, I do not use the word lightly — a hero. I had a theory that you were the physical manifestation of the zeitgeist, but then a friend reminded me that the zeitgeist stopped giving a shit about Oasis 10 years ago.

A new JOHN LENNON bio penned by rock writer Philip Norman alleges that the ex-Beatle harbored homosexual desires for PAUL MCCARTNEY. Quick to shed light on the rumors, Sir Paul talked to the Sun about his history with Lennon: “I slept with him a million times.” Actual quote. Paul really said it. Can’t sue me.

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