T.D. steps into Gene Rayburn's tuxedo
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, couldn't make her garden grow with water. So what did she use? If you answered "glossolalia," "veal," "da hammer," "urine," "Jesus," or "Really, T.D., we don't talk for six months and this is how you say hi?", you'd have done well as the first contestant at the Milky Way's live re-creation of The Match Game a week ago Wednesday.
For those whose recollection of classic '70s television is murky: the original Match Game asked contestants to supply answers to ridiculous, innuendo-provoking fill-in-the-blank questions and match their responses to those of six D-list celebrities. The Milky Way incarnation pulled together a choice selection of local gadabouts for its panel: Union Square Round Table regulars Chris Braiotta and Keira Horowitz, Anderson Comedy troupe members Katie McCarthy and Gretchen Gavett, Magic People keyboardist Al Deaderick, and (disclosure!) Phoenix music editor Michael Brodeur. Rocking a brown velvet jacket and a hypnotic paisley tie, Big Digits rapper T.D. Sidell took on the role of bemused, often flummoxed host. The Milky Way lacked the plastic-fantastic trappings of the original show, but with Moonbat Tom Scanlon and his "sweet licks on the geetar," we had an authentic wacky wah-wah Match Game soundtrack.
By night's end, we'd witnessed one possibly lewd reference to Febrezing, eight very awkward exchanges between Sidell and Horowitz (playing the role of a woman scorned), and a whole heap of technical difficulties. At one point, Sidell found himself without a question card; he came up with "[Blank]. That's what she said" on the spot. (Best answer: "Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.")
Between rounds, we were treated to video shorts: a charming little number about rainbows, butterflies, and dismemberment from local illustrator Jef Czekaj, and Braiotta and Gavett's "Depressing Fuck-Tour U.S.A.," a sexy romp through such lust-inspiring locales as Centralia, Pennsylvania, and a Curves parking lot.
The winners won't have all that long to spend their $20 Milky Way gift cards, as the club is set to close in March '09. But perhaps that makes those cards all the more precious. And any venue where "Paul Newman" is an answer to "He strokes his violin with [blank]" should be savored while it's still around.