Top Ten Reasons I Couldn't Come to Your Show Last Night
by Matt Parish
10. Car made a funny noise when I started it up, couldn't risk it
9. I think my spam filter blocked your show email
8. Had other stuff to catch up on
7. I don't like the sound at that place
6. Feelin' sick
5. Needed to take it easy after going to shows the four nights previous to yours
4. Bus never came
3. I rode my bike to the wrong club, got a flat tire, then walked home crying
2. Band practice went really late. We're having super intense practices lately!
1. I was having a crippling existential crisis imagining the blank, nameless, faceless void that death will one day bring to me for eternity and I guess your show got lost in the shuffle. I'm kidding! I’m just not into your new stuff.
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