The Smith Hill gang

Dangerous Dan; kids on a leash; the great Dave Gavitt; more bus fuming
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  September 21, 2011

Well, at least one member of the General Assembly spent the weekend where most of them belong: in jail. We are speaking, of course, of the estimable GOP representative from Portsmouth, Tiverton, Little Compton, and "Lockup: Boston," Daniel Gordon.

With all the recent legal trouble swirling around members of the General Assembly, it looks like our legislative body is taking on certain aspects of an organized crime outfit. "Attempted murder" and "assault," a couple of the charges lodged against Gordon in Massachusetts in recent years, do give the impression that Gordon is just switching allegiances from the Winter Hill Gang to the Smith Hill Gang.

But Gordon is not just dangerously violent and admittedly self-medicated (P+J favor Pabst Blue Ribbon or grapefruit and Pernod as fast-relief medicines). He's a homophobe to boot. Gordon first came to the public's attention when he suggested that a gay-straight alliance among students at Tiverton High School was simply a vehicle for superior students to "hook up"; doubtless in the same way that high school sports are simply a thinly veiled cover for illicit steroid and HGH use.

And that's not all. Gordon was expelled by the House Republican Caucus, just before the story of his criminal past broke, for publicly making snide and critical remarks about his fellow GOPers. (Hey, that's P+J's job. Butt out, Bozo!)

Our gregarious pal, Ken McKay, major domo of the state GOP, may want to have his staff spend some time vetting the party's candidates in the future. It's bad enough the Republicans are already willing to run any poor soul who can teeter long enough on his or her hind legs to make it through a campaign. But when the candidates start walking off of wanted posters at the post office, it is clearly time for some due diligence.

P+J notice that Gordon has vowed to run for re-election. Campaign headquarters are not yet announced, but we're betting the address may be not far from Pontiac Avenue. Top bunk.


MOMMY NEAREST

Phillipe and Jorge have lived right next to, or just a few blocks from, schools for decades. Thus, we have had a front row seat for the increasingly cringe-inducing behavior of parents who insist on either walking their kids to school every day or waiting with them en masse at bus stops (which now exist at every other driveway and as close as 600 hundred yards from the school grounds, lest Johnny and Susie actually have to hoof it more than 200 yards to a central spot along a neighborhood route).

Take it from two guys who lived through the public school system and rode more buses than we care to recall: nobody wants his parents with him en route to school or at the bus stop. He doesn't want to talk to you. He doesn't want to be seen with you. Get it?

Leave the little brats alone with each other and they might actually build some of those increasingly rare social skills — and pick up some of the practical knowledge they can't get in the classroom. How to take off a girl's bra. How to totally control the minds of the 11-year-old boys who have crushes on them.

And these days, if Ma and Pa Buttinski weren't standing right next to them, they could probably compare notes on how to hack into the Pentagon's computers.

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