P&J were as intrigued as everyone with the on-the-spot photos of the Beavertail Light boat rescue on the front page of the BeloJo last week.

Turns out, to P&J's surprise, that the photos were taken by an old-time buddy, Bruce McIntyre, an attorney for the Department of Health's Board of Medical Licensure and Discipline.

No surprise, though, that Bruce had a hand in pulling one of the men ashore on the rocks at Beavertail, a treacherous place to walk on any day, but literally death-defying on that stormy afternoon. (We'll leave to the Coast Guard the question of what the two morons aboard the boat were thinking when they ventured into some of the most powerful and tricky crosscurrents in Ocean State waters.)

At any rate, Bruce has always been a stand-up, brave guy with a big heart (though he needs a little work behind the camera). Good on ya, Bruce.


NERD NAPOLEON

No smoking outdoors. No trans fats. No sugary sodas in sizes over 16 ounces. The Nerd Napoleon of NYC has struck again. (P&J would have called him a "soda jerk," but we were beaten to the no-cal punch.)

Big Apple Mayor Michael Bloomberg, the gazillionaire founder of Bloomberg L.P. who bought New York's last mayoral election, evidently wants to have the city's citizens grow up to be big and strong like him. The mayor might have a little more credibility here if he weren't a 5'6" flyweight who works out using tiddlywinks as weights on his barbells.

P&J believe that if Providence Mayor Angel Taveras ever tried any Itty-Bitty Bloomberg stunts around these parts, he would be greeted with La Prov's unofficial slogan: "Whatta you, an asshole?"


HOW NOW BROWN CASH COW?

Brown University officials evidently think they scored big winning first access to nearly 250 public parking spaces on the East Side in exchange for increased payments to the city.

And if you've ever tried to get a spot around Thayer, Waterman, and Hope streets at peak hours — driving at minus-three miles per hour behind folks looking for same — you probably agree with them.

But here's the key part of the story: Providence will retain the parking enforcement rights and, most telling, the city says it doesn't expect to lose revenue. You bet your sweet bippy they don't, boys and girls. The city's parking enforcement division claims meter maids more bent than a David Beckham free kick.

The meter maniacs are no doubt eager to dole out tickets to what they imagine are a bunch of rich Eurotrash and yuppies-in-waiting whose parents will foot the bill anyway — unwilling to fly in and plead their offspring's case before Judge Caprio in traffic court.

Hell, even if they did appear before the TV judge, they'd probably get an, "Ehhh, you already got the ticket, what can we do about it? It's your word versus Mary the Tattooed Lady over there, who says you were parked in the spot too long. Thanks for coming by, and have a check ready for the clerk when you leave."


NOT EVEN A VOTER I.D.?

Beware, beware, beware of the naked man

Randy Newman, "Naked Man"

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