Surely, the home of the Masters, Augusta National Golf Club, an historically racist and misogynist collection of old, self-important, wealthy, bigoted white fools, never offered the electrifying and world-famous homeboy James an honorary membership. In fact, if these mint-julep-soaked crackers hadn't been forced by the PGA to admit some token "nigrahs" (as they would doubtless call them) and women (provided they were rich and connected) in recent years, it would still be one of the most prestigious (and proudly) all-white men's golf clubs in the United States. Now it has to cater to at least a dozen or more minorities and members of the opposite sex, although you can bet that no one from the old guard is sitting at the tables of these untouchables to share drinks after a round.

Brings to mind an old joke about Augusta: When Tiger Woods, already a celebrated and nationally known amateur champion, played in his first Masters, he arrived at the gates of Augusta National, but was halted by a security guard, who was well-versed in keeping dusky folks and dames out of the premises. "Excuse me, young man, but we can't let you in here," he told Woods. "There is a nice course down the road, about a three-wood away, where you can play."

"But I'm Tiger Woods," the future Masters champion explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry, son, I didn't recognize you. In that case, the course is probably just a seven-iron away."

Rim shot with a bull's-eye putter, please.


KUDOS AND CONGRATS . . .

. . . to Ocean State Action executive director Kate Brock, who has resigned her post to join Governor Chafee's policy team. Go get 'em, Kate.


ART ALERT

This Saturday, April 6, from 5 to 7 pm, there's an opening for an AS220 art show that P&J can heartily recommend. John Hunter Housley, Eric Fulford (of Empire Revue fame), John A. Castillo, and Uriah Zoegar will exhibit new work. The show is up through April 27.


HAIL AND FAREWELL

It looks like, after years of behind-the-scenes lobbying from Phillipe and Jorge, the Providence Phoenix has finally dumped editor David Scharfenberg. Good riddance to bad rubbish, we say.

We jest, of course — only to prevent us from openly weeping over the fact that our journalistic majordomo has chosen to take a new job as an online reporter at the renowned National Public Radio affiliate WBUR in Boston. P&J have no doubt that he will take Beantown by storm.

As our readers might guess, dealing with P&J — trying to rein in a couple of wiseass miscreants and avoid libel and slander suits — is a job unto itself. Not only has David done that admirably, but he became one of the best reporters — political or otherwise — in Our Little Towne. He has broken numerous stories in his time on Chestnut Street and offered intelligent, thorough coverage of countless happenings overlooked by other media outlets. In the process, P&J and others affiliated with the Phoenix have been the beneficiaries of the respect and visibility his hard work and insight have brought to the paper.

David will be greatly missed by P&J and doubtless by the Phoenix's readers as well. Boston's gain is Providence's loss, but we don't begrudge him his departure for a second. He deserves the new opportunity.

Send cupcakes and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j@phx.com.

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