The Season: A Pauly D Christmas

By PHILIP EIL  |  December 11, 2013

So, instead, we’ll use this space to simply report that a 2012 lawsuit against Pauly D filed by his former talent agency, International Creative Management, revealed that the star received a $400,000 signing bonus and $100,000 per episode of Season 4 of Jersey Shore. A codefendant in the suit was “BLOWOUT ENTERPRISES, LLC, a Rhode Island limited liability corporation.”

 

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PRODUCT: “I Heart DJ Pauly D” Booty Shorts

PRICE: $14.99 from ShoreStore.com

OUR TAKE: This is admittedly more of a Valentine’s Day gift than a stocking stuffer. Gentlemen, what better way to ratchet up your relationship than by giving her a garment that leaves half of her ass uncovered and the other half stamped with Pauly’s name?

Move over, diamonds and boxes of chocolates.

 

PRODUCT: “Beat That Boardwalk” mobile app

PRICE: Free download for iPhone or Android

OUR TAKE: Kidding aside, this is actually a Pauly-D product we like. It helps that the product is free, so there’s 0 percent likelihood of feeling like those disgruntled Pauly D wig-purchasers. It helps even more that the stated objectives of this game are “LOOKIN’ TAN! HIT YOUR FIRST 5 TAN BARS, FEEL THE BURN! HIT YOUR FIRST 5 GYMS, WASH CYCLE HIT X2 LAUNDRY MULTIPLIER, LAYING DOWN SICK BEATS! CHANGE THE MUSIC.”

The roughly pixelated graphics of the game are a throwback to Super Nintendo, and, as you play, your phone emits a series of satisfying boops and beeps when Pauly picks up a gold chain, a pair of headphones, or embraces one of the “babes” as he runs along the boardwalk.

Naturally, if you maneuver your way into a gym, a tanning salon, and a Laundromat in the proper “GTL” succession, the words “GUIDO STREAK” flash onscreen and a trail of yellow orange and red fire appears behind your onscreen avatar.

Yeah, buddy.
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