Bizarre holidays, observed

By PHOENIX STAFF  |  December 26, 2013

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MAY

International Internal Audit Awareness Month | If we’ve told you about this holiday before, we must have told you a thousand times. The Department of Redundancy Department is sending its inspectors around to check underneath each cubicle for lost TPS-report cover sheets. And if you decide to remain unaware of this international-scale internal audit, well then I guess you’ll just be left to enjoy the month of May.

May 11: National Train Day | Visit the Maine Narrow Gauge Railroad Museum (58 Fore St, Portland) for rides and demonstrations; hop aboard the Downeaster (which carried 50 percent more passengers along the expanded route between Portland and Brunswick than rail officials expected in the first year of the service); or dream about how awesome it’ll be if (when?) the Portland-Auburn-Montreal rail line comes to fruition.

May 22: World Goth Day | This “holiday” falls on a Thursday in 2014; celebrate the following day at Plague, the Asylum’s goth-industrial night. Every Friday, in the basement at 121 Center Street, $5 cover, 21+. “Spooky attire is encouraged.”

JUNE

Lane Courtesy Month | Do you hear that, people?! Stay in your motherfucking lane, asshole. Happy Holidays!

June 14: National Bourbon Day | Tweet us your favorite bourbon cocktail in town at @PortlandPhoenix.

June 28: National Wildlife Foundation’s Great American Backyard Campout | Among Buzzfeed’s “34 Things You Can Cook Over A Campfire” — canned biscuit campfire donuts, campfire paella, boozy campfire cheese (“like fondue, but for the outdoors”), and baked apples filled with Nutella.

JULY

July 7-14: Creative Maladjustment Week | Also every week before and after this one.

July 12: Simplicity Day | Just be.

July 18: National Caviar Day | Well aren’t we fancy! For those with the taste (and means) to celebrate this holiday, visit Browne Trading Company (262 Commercial St, Portland; brownetrading.com). Known as one of the premier purveyors of the finest caviar in the United States,” Browne sells international, domestic, and “artisanal” caviars like the Gold Label Osetra Caviar, dark olive green and yellow pearls from Russian sturgeon ($120 for 30 grams).

AUGUST

August 8: Dalek Day | If there is life out there in the universe, it’s likely to be mutant extraterrestrial monster villains bent on destroying our way of life. (To be fair, it’ll probably think the same about us.) This day honors the birthday of Terry Nation, the Doctor Who writer who helped us envision those enemies. Does anyone haunt your existence with relentlessly repetitive recitations of mindless orders? We suggest greeting them with a single word: “Exterminate!”

August 11-15: National Scrabble Week | This year’s celebration might have a somber tone, given that the National Scrabble Association disbanded in 2013 due to a lack of both financial and philosophical support from game owner and toy giant Hasbro. The shut-down “reflects a broader conflict between corporate and intellectual forces in American cultural life,” author and Scrabble enthusiast Stefan Fatsis wrote in the New York Times in July — these days, corporations are much more interested in promoting the Scrabble brand on Facebook than in substantively nurturing the game that “fosters mind-blowing creativity, heart-stopping tension and computer-stretching quantitative analysis.”

August 24: Go Topless Day | Here in Portland, we actually celebrate this day on April 3, the anniversary of the city’s infamous 2010 Topless March, during which about two dozen women walked from Longfellow Square to Tommy’s Park to call attention to what they see as a double-standard for male and female nudity.

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