Dead can dance

By AL DIAMON  |  April 23, 2014

Former Portland mayor, Maine governor, and US Senator Ralph Owen Brewster (hammered out of order back in 1976) may have been a front man for the Ku Klux Klan, a tool for Howard Hughes’ enemies, and a bag man for Richard Nixon, but his GOP ghost is still guaranteed to draw bigger crowds to campaign rallies than Republican congressional candidates Bruce Poliquin, Kevin Raye, and Isaac Misiuk combined.

This unearths (ha!) another matter. If the dear decaying departed make the best endorsers, doesn’t it follow that they would also make the finest candidates? Instead of Eliot Cutler, we’d have Nathan Cutler, a Democratic governor the people never got tired of because he served less than three months in office in 1829 and 1830. In place of LePage, there’d be Hannibal Hamlin, a Republican who quit after a few weeks to become a US senator and eventually Lincoln’s first vice president. Substitute William King, Maine’s first governor in 1820, for Michaud, and not only do you get a personage later relied upon by the federal government to negotiate a difficult treaty with Spain, but also a registered Democratic-Republican Party member. Can’t get more bipartisan than that.

Setting aside the small problems of musty odors, worms, spiders, and rats (issues no worse than those plaguing most meetings of the Legislature’s Joint Standing Committee on Veterans and Legal Affairs), corpses would appear to offer a vastly improved option for operating state government. It’s well past time we repealed the term limits arbitrarily imposed by their life spans, and gave back control to our ancestors.

Bring on the zombie apocalypse.

Maybe we could get an endorsement for that idea from some actors on The Walking Dead.

Bits of graveyard gravitas can be emailed to me ataldiamon@herniahill.net.

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