No strings attached?

In Layman's Terms
By DANA FADEL  |  June 6, 2014

“I’ve had a crush on this girl since high school [I am now 23], and its only recently that she’s been wanting to get together and have a sexual relationship with me. This scares me because I’ve never had a purely sexual relationship with anyone, as I’m usually more comfortable being in a relationship where she knows more of who I am and what I like. Is there anything I should know before starting a sexual relationship? This isn’t wrong, right?” _DS

“Obviously there’s not going to be much of an emotional connection, if all she wants is sex. This is just something he’s going to have to come to terms with in his own head — I mean, there’s no school for that, right? So if she’s just going to want sex, he’s going to have to accept it. Is she going to have sex with other people, too? Just him? There are variables to it, too. He’s going to have to deal with it or move on. Maybe he can have a girlfriend on the side, too, you know?” _Paul, 53, tattoo artist, interviewed at Hallowed Ground
“Its not a matter of it being a moral issue, but obviously sex is a personal issue for everyone involved. As much as he wants to engage in sexual activity with her, it’s important to know before he has sex with her what he really wants out of it. Because what happens in these types of situations is that one person can’t accept that its just a sexual relationship, and that person is in turn disappointed and hurt. It could turn out that both people could be disappointed and don’t want the same things overall.” _Colleen, 33, yoga teacher, interviewed at Justice in the Body

“I just think if he’s emotionally attached, then I don’t know if its a good thing for him. He might get broken hearted. Nothing’s impossible, something might happen, he may find out he may not even like her at all. I’ve had just sexual relationships without the emotion, and I love it.” _Bill, 43, laborer, interviewed at Hannaford

“He should stay slightly reserved and detached if that’s what he needs. My experience with just purely sexual relationships have been ones that are polyamorous, so you have to be committed to a person in a certain way but knowing that they might have other desires or feelings that are outside the commitment to you. It was a period that was really fun and really perfect...then there is a crashing period where things can come to a head. It didn’t work for me but it can work for other people.”_Margaret, 24, hobbyist, interviewed outside
the YMCA

Pro’s Advice: “It’s all about communication. It’s the perfect time to really express where he’s at, express what he wants, to ask where she’s at, to ask what she wants. There’s so much possibility for real connection here. Starting out, putting all expectation aside, stating “oh, we’re just gonna have fun” — that’s real connection. If he just comes forward and is genuine and honest... There are these gifts that you get handed in life, and this is one of them. I’ve had one of my best relationships come out of this exact arrangement, and it came about through honest communication and staying in the moment.” _Colin, 34, coach and counseling intern

1  |  2  |   next >
| More

Most Popular
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE  |  October 27, 2014
    How can I invite other people’s behavior to be more assertive toward me?”
  •   DIGITAL D8ING  |  October 01, 2014
    “I’d like to hear other people’s experience in online dating: Tinder, OKCupid, I’m hesitant to pursue this but have heard a lot of successful stories."
  •   COME ON, NOW  |  August 31, 2014
    “I really love sex and experience enormous pleasure from it. However, my orgasm is subtle and as good as it feels; it’s hard to even say it is a orgasm."
  •   UNAVAILABLE MEN NEED NOT INQUIRE  |  August 06, 2014
    I keep attracting men who are completely unavailable—either married or in failing relationships (as I learn later). They don’t make physical advances, but I definitely get the feeling they are interested. Either way, guys I shouldn’t, wouldn’t, and don’t want to be dating. What am I doing wrong to attract them? And how do I get this pattern to change?”
  •   PORN AND LONELINESS  |  July 07, 2014
     In Layman's Terms

 See all articles by: DANA FADEL