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What smell?

By BARRY CRIMMINS  |  July 28, 2006

Death be not proud
On July 5, while the rest of us were recovering from the long weekend, convicted mega-swindler Ken Lay died of (of all things!) a heart attack while awaiting his sentencing in Aspen, Colorado. At least he was in a gated community. Former Enron employees and shareholders pooled their resources to buy a stamp and sent Lay’s family a gracious bereavement card that read: “As ever, we share your loss.”

060728_crimmins_main4
AUTHENTICITY: Lay's death was suspect, but not Zarqawi's.

Some people contend that Lay’s GOP cronies faked his death to help him avoid 30 years in prison while saving a cool $40 million in restitution payments. But there’s no doubt about the authenticity of another casualty of second-quarter 2006. The littlest president’s greatest deadly moment this spring came when a thousand pounds of US bombs turned the hideout of one Abu Musab al-Zarqawi into a gravel pit. Thus ended the life of the Jordanian-born, grandstanding terrorist who never grasped that his line of work required stealth rather than a publicist. Also killed were two women and a young girl, but such details have long since become insignificant to a US government that has more important things to do — such as blow up photos of blown-up people like Zarqawi for barbarous public display.

Zarqawi was hated by almost everyone, including Al Qaeda, a group with which he reached an agreement of convenience, in 2004, to handle its Iraq franchise. Hey, they needed a presence in the market. Zarqawi happily overplayed his small role in the violence that permeates Iraq: he’s now the super villain who organized the freedom-hating resistance to George W. Bush’s altruistic gift of liberty.

Right after Zarqawi was killed, an even more despised character slinked into the devastated country — George W. Bush. This surprised even Iraqi prime minister Nouri al-Maliki, who was notified of Bush’s presence only a few moments before W’s pre-emptive arrival. The poor guy barely had time to tidy up and, quite frankly, Baghdad could use a grunt-load of tidying at the moment.

To cover the enormous security tightening required for Bush’s photo-opportunism, the appearance of even more boundaries and checkpoints in Baghdad was explained away as the preliminary infrastructure of a campaign called “Operation Forward Together.” That means they actually announced an insurgent roundup several days in advance just to cover Bush’s scrawny ass. I think they used Zarqawi’s publicist.

At the same time we were inundated with stories of how a “treasure trove” of intelligence was unearthed from laptop hard drives found in the rubble from which a dying Zarqawi was dragged. The insurgency would soon be smashed! Those must have been some pretty tremendous computers because if I so much as spill coffee on the keyboard of my Powerbook, a thousand dollars later I’m lucky if they can tell me they’re pretty sure it was a Mac. The CIA is now likely in possession of the world’s largest repository of Arabic solitaire software.

The lost city of Baghdad
Zarqawi’s death, Bush’s visit, the treasure trove of intelligence, and “Operation Forward Together” were all part of a spring bullshit offensive by the White House meant to connive the American people into believing that stability for Iraq was just around the corner. Anyone who bought this tripe hasn’t rounded many corners in Baghdad lately.

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Related: Stop whining and do your job, Comedy Rambo, On the national affront, More more >
  Topics: News Features , U.S. Government, Elections and Voting, Tony Snow,  More more >
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Comments
What smell?
While I usually give Crimmins the benefit of the doubt when he seems to play loose with the facts, as I recognize that is the currency of political commentators from both the left and the right, when he starts taking up the line of Hezballoh terrorists, it's time to call him on it. Crimmins claims that the Israeli soldiers were attacked and "kidnapped" (his quotes) in a war zone. I hate to break it to you Barry, but the only people that consider Northern Israel a war zone are the Hezballoh terrorists, and now, presumably you. Hezballoh, and assorted other Islamic terrorists don't believe Israel has the right to exist, for Crimmins to describe an attack on their undisputed territory as taking place in a war zone brings into question his credibility on every issue he takes on, and is a disservice to those who would criticize the many despicable actions of the Bush administration while sticking to the facts, which are damning by themselves, without totally upending them.
By brooklinereader on 08/06/2006 at 12:47:54

ARTICLES BY BARRY CRIMMINS
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   ON THE NATIONAL AFFRONT  |  December 19, 2007
    Where does one begin to recap 12 months of such willful self-parody?
  •   THE DEVIL AND DICK CHENEY  |  July 03, 2007
    Dick: e ver since you shoved your fall guy, Scooter, off the political cliff, I simply cannot get in touch with you.
  •   WHAT SMELL?  |  July 28, 2006
    It’s always summer to George W. Bush, our lazy, hazy, crazy commander in chief who puts in shorter presidential work weeks than Woodrow Wilson did after he was paralyzed by a stroke.
  •   SCHMUCKS UNLIMITED  |  April 05, 2006
    It’s April, supposedly the cruelest month, but after a winter that seemed like 150 days of March, how bad can it be?

 See all articles by: BARRY CRIMMINS

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