As long as we’re on the subject of political jokes, here’s another funny thing — the year’s early display of white-on-white violence when VP Dick Cheney got drunk and shot Texas banker Harry Whittington in the face. Yes, you could argue that it’s cruel to laugh because Cheney’s hunting “buddy” really suffered, but Whittington didn’t even have the grace to get mad about an act that could easily be characterized as attempted murder — so screw him. Like people used to say about the mafia: at least they were just shooting each other. And a near-death barely counts, given what else went on. Too bad about the permanent disfigurement, though.
Dollar down
On the economic front, the year’s troika of victims were US currency, the American auto industry, and, unexpectedly, cultural relations between Americans and the subcontinent of India. The dollar, of course, has been circling the crapper for some time, but this year, thanks to an all-time high in the nation’s inequitable distribution of wealth, it hit an all-time low so low that people from Dublin, a city once best known for mutton stew and designer scally caps, now fly to New York for the bargain shopping.
One could easily argue that Ford and the rest of the US automakers committed suicide by pigheadedly staking their industry’s future on Americans’ patriotic desire to commute in vehicles the size of downtown Orlando. “Oil shortages? Global warming? What’s that got to do with us?” they asked. The easy answer lies in the fact that, on any highway, you’re seldom out of sight of a Toyota sedan, while millions of big-ass SUVs languish unwanted on wholesale lots. At least they don’t produce methane as they decompose.
And finally, there’s outsourcing — as much a cause as an effect of our moribund economy — which has spawned a tsunami of stateside prejudice against the hard-working clock-punchers of India. What American isn’t delighted when, as he’s trying to sort out why he was double billed for a cancelled flight to Cleveland, the airline’s phone is answered by someone with more than a touch of Urdu in his voice identifying himself as “Douglas”? Hey, Safir, stop putting us on; we know it’s you.
Poll-axed
Back on the political front, there are, naturally, lingering evils we wish had died this year. Torture’s one. America’s aversion to war-crimes trials is another. Since those issues are both sore subjects around the current White House, we may have to wait a while for that triumphant wake.
But there were some cheerful demises (besides Pinochet’s) recorded this year — the finale of the 109th Congress, for example. We haven’t been this glad to see a bunch of middle-aged white guys go since some prankster pulled the fire alarm during our high-school band’s Memorial Day concert at the VFW. Yes, the graying gang of lawmakers who stood by or abetted the ritual dismantling of the Bill of Rights is history.
The newly elected crop of Democrats now faces the challenge of a three-way choice. Should they: a) gloat; b) seek revenge; or c) squabble themselves into impotence with petty power plays? The possibility of actually passing some progressive legislation has been tabled until they can sort out this campaign-finance-reform thing.
