Chris Dodd. Odds for nomination: 60-1.
Strengths: Solid senator from Connecticut; appealing speaker. Will raise considerable money due to his post on the Senate Banking Committee.
Weaknesses: A DC insider — the textbook example of a candidate who tends not to do well in primaries. A New England senator running in the wake of John Kerry’s 2004 campaign, which kind of soured people on backing senators from New England.
Bottom Line: Won’t embarrass himself, but won’t get many votes either.
Joe Biden. Odds for nomination: 70-1.
Strengths: If he can edit himself — and that’s a big if — he usually has some interesting things to say. Will bring some humor and energy to the race.
Weaknesses: Virtually all the same problems as Dodd. And he does tend to put his foot in his mouth.
Bottom Line: A great candidate to have in the race and in debates. He’d be a better pundit than president, which is why, even though he’ll impress some voters, he’s not going anywhere.
Dennis Kucinich. Odds for nomination: 25,000-1.
Strengths: A super-liberal’s dream.
Weaknesses: There aren’t that many super-liberals left and most are likely to get more excited about Obama. Congressmen generally don’t win the presidency. Sadly, neither do candidates who remind everyone of the high-school class geek.
Bottom Line: Won’t be nearly as endearing this time as last. If he does this again, he’s headed for Harold Stassen status.
Mike Gravel. Odds for nomination: 1 million to 1.
Strengths: Was an interesting senator from Alaska who fought the war and the draft and wants to run a populist campaign.
Weaknesses: The war we’re referring to was Vietnam; hasn’t really been in the public eye in about three decades.
Bottom Line: No way.
REPUBLICANS (“MACHO MEN”)
Rudy Giuliani. Odds: even.
If a member of the Village People, would want to be: Who else? The Policeman!
John McCain. Odds: 3-2.
If a member of the Village People, would want to be: The Sailor! (Not a regular character in the group, but fans will remember the two members who performed “In The Navy” in uniform, and looked fantastic.)
Mitt Romney. Odds: 13-1.
If a member of the Village People, would want to be: The Biker (because biking is the kind of job Romney will help keep in a competitive America rather than seeing it outsourced).
Sam Brownback. Odds: 40-1.
If a member of the Village People, would want to be: Wouldn’t want to be a member of the Village People because Christian Right wouldn’t approve (and we know why).
James Gilmore. Odds: 500-1.
If a member of the Village People, would want to be: See Brownback entry.
Mike Huckabee. Odds: 600-1.
If a member of the Village People, would want to be: See Brownback entry.
Duncan Hunter. Odds: 1000-1.
If a member of the Village People, would want to be: See Brownback entry.
Tom Tancredo. Odds: 5000-1.
If a member of the Village People, would want to be: Any member of the group who came to our shores legally.
Ron Paul. Odds: 10,000-1.
If a member of the Village People, would want to be: Doesn’t join groups — he’s a libertarian.
On the Web
The Presidential Tote Board blog: http://www.thephoenix.com/toteboard
