Gosh, what an honor when Dubya the Chimp Boy finally had the balls to make an appearance in the Biggest Little last week. Of course, he dodged the great unwashed and was whisked by helicopter from Quonset Point to the Naval War College, where he gave “a speech.” As is the wont of his handlers, who fear that Boy George might break down in tears if anyone criticizes him, the audience was the usual adoring throng of military men and women and foreign military officials, who are obviously told to be on best behavior and to attach their lips to Dubya’s buttocks.
Outside the Navy Gate on Connell Highway, 200 protesters let Georgie the warmonger know that he should get out of Little Rhody ASAP (a sap, indeed), lest we be judged by the company we keep. The TV highlight of the rabble-rouser coverage came when JARhead Larry Estepa was doing a stand-up for the news at five, and with the easily visible sign of a protester behind him: “Bush 9/11 Murdering Scum.” It took the cameraman about 15 seconds to catch on to this background, and he was no doubt alerted when the horrified shriek of Betty-Jo Cugini, WJAR’s lovely news director, could be heard all the way from Channel 10’s Cranston headquarter. The ensuing extreme close-up was so tight on Estepa that we thought his head might pop.
The other charming episode, showing the White House’s fear of any media not in its back pocket (take a bow, Fox News), came when Dubya the Dumb was departing from Quonset after meeting with yet another handpicked audience of National Guard reservists and the like. As described in the Urinal, Channel 12 reporter Jarrod Holbrook called out to the president, obviously trying to ask a question. One member of Bush’s entourage promptly pointed at Holbrook, and when he called out again, he had his press credential ripped off his belt. Holbrook, who was booked for an extended stay at Gitmo, later indicated he had wanted to ask if Bushie he had enjoyed his visit. Oh yes, beware the press.
The capper was how Boy George then flew to Kennebunk¬port, where he was to meet with Russian President Vladimir Putin. Since, as Maureen Dowd said, the Russian leader put the Putin back into Rasputin, this was clearly done so that Poppy could protect Poopy. The Drugstore Cowboy — what a man.
Scooterball
P&J occasionally play the Powerball, in the hope of retiring to Tahiti or some such paradise. And like any good Vo Dilun gamblers, we always look for those “magic numbers” to achieve the virtually impossible. These are normally birthdates, street addresses, Big Papi’s batting average, the number of husbands boned by Liz Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor — you get the idea.
Well, we have zeroed in on our combo for this week, and we’re working on pulling our picks from 28301-016. That happens to be the new federal inmate number of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, veep “Big Time” Cheney’s dirty trickster, who was convicted earlier this year of lying and obstructing an investigation into the leak of a CIA operative’s identity. What would be more satisfying and rewarding than cashing in on the little weasel? Scooter’s hired mouthpieces are trying to keep him out of the can until his appeal can be heard. Go get ’em, Patrick.
Sailing tail
Congrats to all involved with this year’s Tall Ships festival, which seemed to go off without a hitch. P&J were able to take in the Sunday Grand Parade of Sail, which showed the ships in their impressive splendor as they sailed up Narragan¬sett Bay beneath the Newport Bridge, mostly under power, because the ships were going into the wind. They then rounded Gould Island and unfurled their sails, coming back down the West Passage in all their glory.
Special double kudos to the sailors aboard the Colombian barque Gloria, which entered Newport Harbor with its crew singing their national anthem and standing on the yardarms in perfect formation. And the same for Other Paper photog Frieda Squires, who got the shot of this, which became a huge, colorful front-page picture the next day. P&J work with a Colombian woman, and she beamed with pride and happiness after seeing the picture and the caption about the singing.
The boys from the bucket
You may recall that a couple of weeks back, your superior correspondents were ruing the departure of a number of longtime scribes from the Times of Pawtucket. We mentioned how there was talk of holding a “time” for these staffers.
The date is now set: Thursday evening, July 12, at the China Inn, the landmark eatery smack dab in the middle of downtown Pawtucket. Kevin “P.” O’Connor, Doug Hadden, Rich Dugas, Scott Dolan, and David Casey will all be feted for their many years of service to the paper and to the city. Many flasks of amber-colored fluids will be raised, as will the requisite amount of hell and money to benefit the Pawtucket Animal Shelter. In a desperate attempt to make it seem like there’s some manner of professional entertainment, Jorge (aka Rudy Cheeks) will act as master of ceremonies. We hope to see anyone and everyone who cares about Pawtucket and journalism.
