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On being a widow of World of Warcraft

How one woman lost her boyfriend to blood elves and orcs
By JANELLE RANDAZZA  |  February 7, 2007

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There has to be some sort of support group for this. I am a woman scorned — not for the love of another woman but for the love of Warcraft. The World of Warcraft, also known as WoW to its denizens, is the medieval-themed, multi-player, online role-playing game that picked up where Dungeons & Dragons left off, imprisoning the minds of more than eight million players and siphoning them from the arms of their loved ones.

I know. My boyfriend has been playing the thing night and day for more than a year now.

WoW is more than just a game: it’s an all-consuming mania that starts as a lark and turns into an addiction, as evidenced by the thousands of online message-board postings from wives, husbands, parents, and friends who have been abandoned for late-night “guild meetings” and all-night point-accumulating “quests.” And after last month’s release of the game’s much-anticipated expansion, fervent gamers have more dungeons to raid, lands to quest in, and mobs to slay, making the future pretty bleak for significant others.

It’s not that I mind that my boyfriend never comes to bed before 3 am anymore, that he’s stopped calling back most of his friends, or that we can barely have a conversation without him bringing up the cool new Blood Elf he met during last night’s “burning crusade.” I really don’t mind that stuff, not much anyway.

I fall asleep better on my own, and he always comes to bed eventually, waking me with a kiss on the forehead every night. He’s meeting interesting people, I suppose, and I equate the glimmer in his eyes when he tells me about his character’s new plated armor to the one I get when I show him the sweater I scored at Filene’s Basement. He doesn’t glaze over when I tell him about my bargain shopping; he at least deserves some feigned enthusiasm for swiping a spear and magic helmet off a dead troll.

The problem isn’t the game itself; it’s that I feel I’ve been had.

Virtual trumps reality
This is a guy who used to navigate through conversations with enviable skill. He could talk about anything from woodworking to Lead Belly, to fine art, to surfcasting. He was dynamic and indefinable. He was a poet in a Red Sox cap. He could change a tire while eulogizing the merits of Riojan reds. He was the last guy you would expect to lose his soul to a video game. He seemed so strong, so vital, so immune.

Now I look at a shell of the guy I fell in love with and see a drone in his place. Sometimes it’s like a parasite has sucked the life out of him and inhabited his frenzied mouse-finger. Warcraft has become more than a quirky pastime; it’s grown into a complete lifestyle.

For months I’ve been strategically leaving out books and articles that I hope will distract him for a night and break the Warcraft spell, but he prefers to devour the contents of his Warcraft Atlas and Encyclopedia instead, memorizing every map and battle cry.

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Comments
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
i freakin love it.. so much i read the whole thing, laughing and smiling my way through.. so thats what happened to Liam! i wondered why i never hear from him--while he works directly below me.. what a trip.. the best part is, i have gone through similar struggles involving battlefield 1942.. of course, im was no where near as addicted (denial).. i sucked actually... i didn't understand how to "jump constantly" to avoid bullets.. if i were in battle during "real reality", last thing i'd be doing is running across a field, jumping the whole way, randomly spraying bullets...  of course my method of sitting patiently with a sniper rifle does nothing against the virtual pixies that were for a brief time my "friends" oh did i mention my virtual name had to be beefed up.. no one fears a Judson.   I  WAS J Bauer (thats right, from 24) so yeah, we all suffer addictions.. this is why i boldly erased 1942 from my drive when i needed space.. knowing it only brought me fights with girlfriends and a whole lot of unnecessary depression as i rolled into bed at 4am only to sit and think of shooting bouncing nazi's in the desert, or on the moon what a fun article! judson
By jabts@mac.com on 02/08/2007 at 1:44:22
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
this is excellent! classic stuff!
By bcoles on 02/08/2007 at 2:00:18
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
So true and so cleverly written. You've summed up what many partners are experiencing -- but with humor, which probably a few partners lack. :) Too bad your guy isn't into a Wii game, as that might be the only fun solution.
By Marya on 02/09/2007 at 12:47:47
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
Those people that find themself being ignored for a game should try to become more interesting than the game. The bottom line is that people will pay attention to what interests them the most. If WOW is more interesting than you, then you will be ignored.
By Mortikai on 02/09/2007 at 12:50:52
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
Interesting thought, Mortikai, is that kind of like the "Be the Ball Theory" from Caddyshack? Because I'm trying to get Janelle to wear her level 30 troll outfit to work in the effort to make her more interesting.
By adamrobert12 on 02/09/2007 at 1:30:02
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
A very funny read! I sometimes find myself feeling neglectful of my wife as I indulge further into WoW. It lasts only briefly however because when a Fel Orc comes bashing one upside the head... well that must be responded to swiftly. Then there's the odd moment where my wife complains about my gameplay and I do play a lot (lvl 68). Then I remind her that *she* bought me the guide to Burning Crusade. Isn't that akin to aiding and abetting or feeding the addiction? Not that I'm addicted mind you (sleep deprived) as I do stop playing to take in drama shows like Grey's Anatomy and Lost, the letigious humor of Boston Legal and even Desperate Housewives with her. Why I even (against my better WoW judgement) do family event things that take me away from the lands of Azeroth for hours at a time. Although admittedly, with the Warcraft soundtrack playing in the car, I'm never too far from my virtual home.
By SirAsana on 02/09/2007 at 8:28:40
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
wow.. this is great, i was laughing the whole way through, i feel sorry for ya. im a guy i play WOW but not this intense. if i was intesive here is what would work to get my ass up. often enouhg after like an hour or so after starting i tend to get borded.. only temporarly mind you. well arguing might only make him cling to it more, as being a scorce of comfort. i agree with Mortikai, you can also try to make him want to spend time with you.. one way is spend more time away from him. he will wonder why your gone all the time and he will become curious/suspicous and want to see for him self. if you try to put your self in the posistion of him chooseing you or spending less time on the game, while doing this in a neutral none threeatining way, he should choose you, after all its just a dam game. he played games before and got borded of it, this might give him some incentive. for this bad of an addiction tehy should have a WOW patch, pop a cd in to install a program to limit WOW play time. also if that doesn;t work.. you can show him this (its mean i know).. i will put a little note in incase you want him to read it. i know im being really harsh but if sutulty doesn't work then strick his man hood. ok dude i play wow i got a 44 druid and 38 rogue. working on a sham. i played a shit load of games, halo1+2 all of the zelda, elder scrolls, FFXI, ect... i use to be a big gamer untill i decided that i should be more fit and loose weight, if your not fat good for you, i know gamers that are as skiny as a stick. i got a younger bro addicted to WOW not as bad as you (so yea your more pethetic then a 16 year old, but hay ya got a 68 something or other. grats thats awsome...). get your ass away from the dam computer or you will not only loose her, but if you manage to get someone else (i dont see how if your infront of the computer all the dam time), you will lose others aswell. yes playing it is fun. but dont obsese over it. think of how your girlfreind must feel, it's like if you had a great set of armor but when you try to gain a lvl to wear it your level jumps down by 2. if you want to play less fine then start by spending 2 days of the week not playing it at all, or talking about it, no looking online at any info either, dont spend anything with anything close the the game. and every so often (let your girlfreind decide) increase the amount of days. untill you just feel like playing only a few hours, less then 30 hours a week playing. if your thinking but your playing it.. no im not. im dorming at a college, and WOW is at home. so i went cold turky. but seriously man.. playing all night long... talking about battle plans at the dinner table wft are you 10... o gess. me and my bro never talk about it much, if im watching tv and he wants to show me something i tell him shut up and leave me alone. have some freging will power man. you got a gal you obviously love you... i would love to have a girl like that. she puts up with so much stupid shit from you, watch the moon on the computer, pls what were you thinking? pls tell me your drunk at least, or high. you seriously thought that that was a romantic gesture.. dam man. i love to have a good game, i get a little addicted to but i dont let it mess my relationships with freinds and family. do other funn stuff. heres a cool idea why dont you work out? i dont mean go to a gym or anything, jog/walk around a track, you'll feel better and feel younger when you get older. and hay you can jog/walk with your gal, i bet she would be happy. Come on man be one less. im one less addicted gamer and prod of it. Power to the off switch. o.. if anyone else wants to repost this anywere goahead. use it as you feel fit.
By TommyG on 02/09/2007 at 11:59:25
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
This makes me really sad to write, but its an explination from someone who plays, and is addicted, to WoW. Im not as good of a writer as the original poster, but it should give you some insite to the sinkhole that is gaming addiction. Over the last two years that WoW has been out, I have logged approxamately 200 DAYS playing the game. Yes thats 200 days of the last two years sitting in front of my computer. Now mind Im not your steriotypical "geek" or anything like that. I have a good job, lots of friends, a beautiful partner and two children. Unfortunately through battles with constant depression, lack of goals or any real sort of focus, and no real direction in life I have found myself lost in a game. Its an escape from the sad reality that I live. I can log on and forget my job, forget family troubles and responsibilities, and just simply escape from everything. Of coarse most people play MMORPG's because of the feeling of friendship and community that it gives you. people dont judge you or care about anything you have in your real life. Noone cares about your shortcommings or anything like that. its a place you can escape and portray yourself as anyone or anything you want to be. I have "quit" WoW twice now. once I even threw away the game, my computer, and moved out from my roomates home because he played as well. But here I am, back playing again. Im falling behind at work, parenting from my computer, ignoring all of my RL friends. My girlfriend got so tired of talking to the back of my head that she bought the game and a new computer just so she could type to me and I would actualy listen. I feel like I have let down my children, my girlfriend, and my friends and family that have watched me sink into this hole. I dont know how to walk away. Last night I was watching this drug intervention show, where they take people away to camps and teach them how to be proactive in there lives. I swear if someone would do that for me Id do it. its a really sad thing to see happen to people but understand that on many levels is just as bad a addiction as alchohol or drug use. If your significant other is truely "addicted" to a game you need to do something because simply asking them not to play anymore, or expecting them to walk away anymore just isnt going to happen. Sorry Im rambling but I guess Im just kinda spilling out my thoughts to give anyone who reads this an idea of what its like. Best of luck.
By MeldrumAndrew on 02/12/2007 at 5:49:10
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
Well I play WoW - and so does my boyfriend. He introduced me to the game when it first came out and I have playing ever since. I was really into it at first, stopped playing for 6 months, and now I play occassionally (even with the expansion out). Personally I would say give the game a try. Dont knock it untill you have tried it. Plus playing this game is better then being on the streets causing trouble, or having a drinking problem, or any other type of bad thing that one person can do. Thats my personal opinion. I know people are addicted to the game, more so that others. But for me I know moderation and I live my life outside of WoW. Just wanted to add my 2 cents - and wish you the best of luck.
By Jamie318 on 02/13/2007 at 8:04:19
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
This is difficult for me to even wirte. A few years ago, I met a man who I thought was the one. When we started dating I was living in LA and he was down in Orange County, so he would spend a lot of time up at my place. After a couple of months of dating, everything was great, we would go golfing, to baseball games, and the movies and dinner. When he moved up towards me in Los Angeles, he brought his computer to his new place. That is where I should have seen the red flags. He consistantly played WoW, or Warcrack as I learned from my threapist. There was no getting him off that game, and if I made a comment about it he was very defensive. I wished that I realized how serious it was before I accepted his proposal only 5 months later and married him a year after that. The whole time we lived together, he was on that game. He went from one job to another and for a period when we moved in together, he did not work, nor was very proactive on finding a job, or calling for his unemployment. I support us until I found him his job in the paper. I would come home everday from work and find him sitting on the computer playing that dumb game. It was so severe, that he did not even want my friends over at the house. Soon after we were married, I received a transfer to another city within my company, he begged to go, it was less expensive and he had not been working since we came back from our honeymoon. He had an 'illness' which prevented him from working. Yes, he did have a legimate illness, but it was only serious for the first month. However, he spent so much time on that game. He was on the computer from the time he woke up to long after I would go to bed. After moving, I was the sole supporter of the household. He could not even call to get his disability because he did not want to sit on hold, while plaing his game. It got ot the point, that this was the fcus of a lot of arguements, as I paid bills, borred money from whomever I knew, made excuses to my friends and family. The breaking point was when I would come home and he would come out for dinner that I prepared, since he was so busy playing and would eat for 20 minutes, then proceed back to his office to play. I was crying on a daily basis since this not only affected my marriage, but affected my relationships with everyone else. I ended up leaving my husband of only 18 months, and preceeded with filing for divorce. He had said to me that he was looking for someone serious to have a family...but what kind of life would I have had if I had to constantly compete with WoW on a daily basis?
By Warcrack on 02/19/2007 at 12:15:42
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
<a href="http://aarongreenberg.blogspot.com/2007/02/comment-on-on-being-widow-of-world-of.html#links">Comment on: On being a widow of World of Warcraft</a>
By x on 02/22/2007 at 1:18:49
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
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By 9bian on 05/22/2007 at 4:36:14
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
I have been married for two and a half years and we have a 5 month old baby daughter. My husband used to spend so much time with me and our friends.He had a positive outlook and a promising future. Not to mention he always had a job to pay his own bills and take me out. About a year and a half ago his friend opened an internet gaming center and introduced him to world of warcraft. He started playing all the time. He quit his job that he had worked at for the past year. I never saw him. He was up all night and slept all day while I worked. I worked two jobs just to pay the bills and I was still drowning in debt. I talked to him,pleaded with him and still he couln't tear himself away. I finally moved out and let him be evicted. At that time he came to me and promised things would change. I gave him another chance. Nothing changed he was always at the gaming center. It was a record if he kept a job for a month. What is worse during this time I found out I was pregnant. I thought maybe this would be a good thing. Maybe he would care enough about his baby to step up to the plate. All these months later and I still get ignored. I go to bed alone and spend weekends with my friends. Our old friends who are not into the game. We no longer have mutual friends. He doesn't work or watch the baby. If I want to go on a date I have to pay. I get nothing for anniversaries or birthdays. He did not even attend my birthday party. I work two jobs and attend school while he sits at the computer. I have tried everything and still nothing changes. I am now ready to leave even though I love him. I hope one day he comes into reality and becomes the father his daughter deserves.
By sgg3090 on 08/21/2007 at 1:43:22
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
I'm a WoW widow - my husband has done everything you describe and more. This week I found out he has struck up a relationship with another woman through the game - they have shared sexually explicit chats within the games and emails and he has given her his phone number. Gawd, I hate this game - it has destroyed my marriage.
By Gena on 11/08/2007 at 7:46:10
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
This article is so true. I am engaged to a WoW addict and his friends girlfriends and I have started the Women Against WoW....WAWoW lol. It just got to be too much when we would go out to restaurants and the whole conversation was about PvP'ing or what level their characters are.
By jenniferj1981 on 12/06/2007 at 7:53:43
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
im a WoW adict (male just in case you were wondering) th game is addictive but your husbands are far more caught up with the game then i ever was im still in school so dont ask my WoW time is limited but i still find time to see my gf, do my homework, and keep my grades up show your husbands this message and have them contact me at gamemasterjaymz1@yahoo.com ill give them the same tips i used to pull myself away and keep my life going i can gurantee ill change anything but i can still try no one should be entirely caught up in a virtual reality world no matter how fun it is the name you see for my username is my WoW name those people(your husbands) who have become caught in this game will where out eventually im only level 50 and bored to hell with my hunter so i made some alts. and the game got fun again but a person can only have so many alts per account
By Magejaymz on 04/02/2008 at 12:40:38
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Last spring he discovered WOW. Since then we haven't spent much time together. we have a 10 year old son, who played for a while and has just recently given it up. My son says on a regular basis that "Dad only cares about WOW. He doesn't want to spend any time with me." This breaks my heart! Sometimes I feel it would be better for us to leave, better for my little one anyway. I asked my husband the other night if he would rather spend time on WOW than with our son, and he took almost a minute to answer! Is this a problem?! I am so confused and hurt right now I don't know what to think or do. Every chance he gets he is on the game. He talks to the people on there better than he talks to any "real" people he actually knows! My family has commented on this because he use to hang out with everyone and now he only has negative things to say and doesn't want to take part in anything. He doesn't think he has a problem. He told me I should play and this way we would be spending time together! I think I would rather be alone. I just dropped off my son at his councelling session, because of issues with dad, and thought there had to be some one out there who feels the same. Thank god there is. Here's to hoping today is a better day.
By Celina on 04/12/2008 at 3:11:03
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
I have a level 70 WoW character, and so am somewhat familiar with the game. My armchair view of WoW is it takes people living in a post-mythological age devoid of mystery back to a mythological age when miracles were at your beck and call. The game opens up the imagination in other words. As someone's already truthfully observed, the game is a wonderful escape. We all need some form of escapism: fishing, bowling, tv, reading, writing, model trains, the occasional beer. But while escapism is a wonderful thing it must stay within limits. When it doesn't it's a problem. Our professions are no different; we all understand that a family member who spends nearly all his time at work is neglecting his family. And consistent neglect of those we love is a form of abuse. I came across this thread because the words "warcraft widow" came to my mind today thinking of a former girl friend of mine, a girl friend I introduced to the game. Her healthy pastime of WoW soon showed signs of developing into an unhealthy pastime: Conversations revolved more and more around the game and when the game wasn't being discussed it was clearly on her mind anyway. What had once been a rich and evocative emotional and sexual life devolved into brief snatches of chat about game strategy during WoW server downtime. When I told her we were on the rocks and gave her a week to come up with a plan to make things right... she quickly dried her eyes, ran back upstairs, and proceeded to spend that week playing WoW non-stop. That's when I left her. And though she could contact me online via messenger, she was obviously -- still -- very busy with her friends on WoW. As she put it, "getting my epic flying mount, doing my dailies (level 70 quests), helping out guildies in arena." I wasn't kidding myself as so many sad posters in this thread clearly were (and sadly are). The writing is on the wall when your quality time with your significant other revolves around her hippogriff flights from Ashenvale to Booty Bay, or her heroic-level dungeon runs in Kara, or her arena matches, or her latest bargains at the Ironforge Auction House. There's nothing you can say or should say in such circumstances: If a loved one has gone so far astray mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to prefer time with a video game to time with you -- while still avowing affection (or even love) for you -- it's time you too read the writing on the wall and take the next hippogriff out of the imagined reality you and your once-significant other are now inhabiting. The world is a much vaster, richer, more fascinating place than WoW can ever be. It's time you got a life, too.
By Barukh on 04/21/2008 at 1:50:43
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
My boyfriend has been playing 12 to16 hours a day for 5 years.He has forgotten about my birthday and other special occasions.He has also lost two jobs because of the game.There was a comment made about thinking herboyfriend was cheating.Well mine did he as writing love letters to a girl in his guild for about three months ang talking to two other girls in diffrent guilds.I finally asked one day why he would not give me his password to his computer and he always answered because its mine.But me not being able to lleave things along I got into his email and found all the conversaions going on.I finally told him its me or the game and he said thats not fair.Well he is still on the game 12 hours a day and I give .
By april3880 on 04/28/2008 at 10:50:12
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
To add to the comment about children being affected by the game.My children never want to be around their dad because he gives them no attention they are even scared to ask him to feed them because he is just going to say wait one minute and finally two hours later he feeds them.He spends no time with us at all.I think you just have to come to a breaking point where you have to leave for you and your childrens sanity thats what I am going to do.
By april3880 on 04/28/2008 at 11:01:52
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
If anyone just needs someone to vent to email me at mattson_april@yahoo.com
By april3880 on 04/28/2008 at 11:18:01
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
I've checked back in to see the comments. Also because something - pretty obvious - has occurred to me mulling over this wow "addiction" topic. Something no one's said online before (that I can find). Which is this: if your significant other started spending more time with another woman/man than you - what would you think? Would you tolerate it? Or would you SEE THE OBVIOUS? What's obvious is your relationship is dead. And if your significant other began spending more time with another woman/man IN FRONT OF YOU - what would you think? Instead of "addiction", let's call it what is is, which is infatuation. A candle-lit dinner with you is less appealing than a cartoon. Lying next to you is less attractive than an online chat room. That's your "relationship". So why do we talk about "therapy" and "counseling"? When did we begin making one excuse after another for a "loved one" who clearly does NOT love us?
By Barukh on 05/05/2008 at 9:26:35
On being a widow of World of Warcraft
Barukh you are absolutley right I guess we dont look at it as a severe problem.But then again this is a non-stop six year addiction which leaded to online affairs with other women.I have watched his addiction get more severe as the years past.I asked him to choose between mw and wow and his reply was thats not fair.At that moment I realized our relationship was over.I refuse to sit here and be ignored one more day.
By april3880 on 05/06/2008 at 10:14:54
Re: On being a widow of World of Warcraft
 I know this topic is a little old, but I really want to put my 2 cents in. My husband and I had been married for 3 years and he got into WoW. He had allways played a computer game after work to wind down, and turned it off after a short while. This was different. After approx 2 weeks, it was a couple of hours a night. I told him that it was a bit much and he could allways save and return. My comments fell on deaf ears. He stopped going to work ( i had no idea because he used to leave the house in his uniform, and i would leave for work also) After 3 months with no pay coming in and all manner of excuses, he eventually fessed up that he had no job. I was so angry at him for making a fuss that his uniform wasn't clean for him to "go to work" and he hadn't lifted a finger around the house. And I was working 60+ a week to make ends meet. Being an attractive person I decided to try persuading him with female charm. One night standing naked in the lounge, I said something like "come and get me baby" he turned from his screen took one look and said "hang on, i just got to get some more gold". That was the last straw. The next day I kicked him out of my house. 2 years later I could finally file for divorce. And now I'm free from all guys that treat me like crap. Hope that's some encouragement for other WoW Widows out there.
By Ellymoe on 01/02/2009 at 7:10:49

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