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Bad idea jeans

By MATT TAIBBI  |  November 25, 2008

Woods was arrested for reckless endangerment, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and felony possession of an explosive device. Not sure who the minors were at the house, probably little brothers. This is a kid who needs some new hobbies. Forty-eight points for the weapon/endangerment charges.

Bad idea, Ch. 4
If you’re going to steal someone’s credit card and use it, you should . . . actually, there aren’t too many ways to do that without getting caught. But you certainly shouldn’t do what University of North Texas wideout Forrest Rucker did: admit your crime to the female college student you took it from via multiple text messages, then later admit to police you bought $397.34 worth of fast food, vending-machine purchases, and other crap at the local Golden Triangle Mall.

Two felony counts of credit-card/debit-card abuse, each count carrying a max of two years in jail. Goodbye, Forrest — don’t forget your 32 points.

Bad idea, Ch. 5
Former Jet and current New York Giant Kareem McKenzie got caught cutting through a gas-station parking lot. Cops pulled him over and he blew higher than .08 on the box. If you are drunk, weigh 327 pounds, and play professional football, do not cut through a gas-station parking lot: 25 points for Kareem.

When he’s not googling “Steak and Shakedown” and “child’s gunplay,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached atm_taibbi@yahoo.com.

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Related: Fallen eagle, Easy policework, Hands of stone, More more >
  Topics: Sports , Sports, Major League Baseball, Brandan Wright,  More more >
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ARTICLES BY MATT TAIBBI
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   LIGHTS OUT  |  November 25, 2009
    Not sure this has a whole lot to do with sports crime, but . . . it does involve Tila Tequila naked, so that's a start for an interesting exploration of something .
  •   CAMERA SHY  |  November 18, 2009
    Haven't we heard this story before?
  •   GOLDEN GOOFBALLS  |  November 11, 2009
    Yet another major-program football player walked the Taser plank this past week, though this one was called back from the edge just in time.
  •   JASON RETURNS  |  November 04, 2009
    As next week will feature a Friday the 13th, it’s time to check in on the NBA’s very own Jason, Tim Donaghy.
  •   PUNCH DRUNK  |  October 28, 2009
    Charges have finally come in on Aqib Talib, the frequently high (if you believe his pre-draft drug tests) and drafted-up-high (20th overall in 2008) Tampa Bay Buccaneers cornerback who reportedly decked a cabbie because . . . well, it’s still not exactly clear why.

 See all articles by: MATT TAIBBI

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