Ah. Do you think you'll build your own coffin, when the time comes? If I end up wanting to be buried then I'd love to build my own coffin, but right now I'm angling for a Viking funeral where all of your friends and loved ones have a party on a cliff by the ocean around a big bonfire. You're set adrift on a ship that I will build, into the sunset, and just as you reach the far range all of the guests light flaming arrows from the funeral pyre, and fire them. They catch the sails of your ship on fire and you go up in flames as you disappear over the horizon into the sunset. But Megan said that might be a little too much of a production for her.
There's a picture of you when you were younger wearing a giant foam penis. Would you ever go full-frontal for a role? In my career I've been naked many times. Usually, they have me get naked for humorous effect. Ever since I was young, as soon as I'd take my shirt off, people would start laughing. And I just figured out a way to make money at that.
You're known for your manly moustache. What are your best tips for growing one? Uh, don't shave. Also, I would send them [aspiring moustache growers] outside to split a couple of cords of firewood with a sledgehammer and a wedge. Even if that didn't work, I'd get my firewood cut.
I was looking at your IMDB page before and it looks like you've played a fair share of cops. Do you think you have a cop face? Or maybe it's the moustache. Historically, when I've had my moustache people have said that I look like a cop, and I think that because of that, combined with my Irish ancestry and my love of whiskey, I probably will see some more law enforcement officers in my future. Maybe a sheriff.
Other than yourself, who do you consider to be some of the best mustachioed men in the business? There's that Mario guy from the video game world. He had a pretty bushy one. Tom Selleck, of course, he is the most beautifully whiskered man in this or any century. And Wilfred Brimley. A noble man, a patrician!
Who do you think might benefit from growing one? I think if Justin Bieber wanted to become popular he might try a moustache. And maybe Neil Patrick Harris. I'm surprised we haven't seen him in a moustache and some sort of leather chap.
I read that you originally auditioned for the role of Michael Scott onThe Office. How do you think things would have been different now if you'd gotten it? The show probably would have been canceled after two episodes. And Parks and Recreation probably never would have happened then. And I would have been a very sad person.
So, in a way, maybe Steve Carell owes his entire career to you. Oh, I'd be paying myself a compliment to say that Steve has about eight times the talent that I do. So I don't think it would have been long before he blew up in one way or the other. That guy is a dynamo. I think we're all very lucky that they went with Steve. [Laughs.]