Dance, Monkey: Bill Bellamy

A comic in the hot seat
By SARA FAITH-ALTERMAN  |  October 16, 2007
inside_MONKEY_Bill-Bellamy-
Bill Bellamy

With Halloween coming, it’s time to start thinking about costumes! What do you think the front-running 2008 presidential candidates should dress up as?
Hillary should dress up like a man, because she really is a man. She could dress up as Bill. Barack is being accused of being too proper and too intelligent, so he’s not black enough. So he should go all the way and go as Al Sharpton. With the hair. All of the Republicans should dress up as real people.

Who would you rather punch in the face right now, George Steinbrenner or Kevin Federline?
George, because this is three years in a row. We need to get us some excellent pitchers. I’m going to any Latin country and bringing a boat and bringing a whole bunch of real good food, like paella and shit. I’m getting whatever they like to eat, and I’m gonna say, look, come with me and pitch.

According to your Web-site bio, you were in a male beauty pageant while in college. Any backstage tips for beauty queen wanna-bes?
Keep your abs tight, and get your Speedo in a bright color that shows off your package. Mine was electric blue.

I like your goatee, but i’m wondering what it would take to get you to rock a Tom Selleck moustache?
The big fat one? Get a huge caterpillar on my face? Shit. I think only Tom can pull that one off. Maybe if I was Shaft. I have to have Pam Grier by my side, but from when she was young, like 25, and I’d have to have that nice brown leather coat. That’d do it.

Give me one good reason to stop making fun of New Jersey.
Because it doesn’t stink everywhere, just by the turnpike! Leave us the fuck alone.

Bill Bellamy | Comedy Connection, Boston | October 19-21 | 617.248.9700

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  Topics: Comedy , Barack Obama, Elections and Voting, Politics,  More more >
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