What’s all that noise in the background?
I’m in the Los Angeles airport. I’m not flying anywhere — I just came to jerk off in the bathroom.
John McCain recently stated that, if elected, he wants to hire Alan Greenspan, “dead or alive,” to fix the tax code, and that, if dead, the corpse of Greenspan would just be propped up, à la Weekend at Bernie’s. Who would you raise from the dead to serve in the US administration?
’Ram Lincoln. I call him ’Ram. People who knew him well called him ’Ram. Freed the slaves. Great beard. Though I think it might be a toss-up between Lincoln and my grandma Helen. She thought I was wonderful. It’s good to have someone like that in your corner.
First daughter (and former boozehound) Jenna Bush just released her first book, Ana’s Story: A Journey of Hope. Are you going to read it? Also, care to take a guess at what she was drinking while she was writing it?
She was definitely drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I’m not going to read it. I’m going to get it on tape. And not listen to it.
Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize! How are you going to celebrate?
I am going to dance in a recycling bin while conserving water.
What would you rather have: a magical unicorn or lifetime immunity against scabies?
That’s easy. Lifetime immunity from scabies. You never know who you’re gonna rub pores with at an airport.
And finally, meow?
Bark bark bark.
Dan Levy | Comedy Studio, Cambridge | October 27 | 617.661.6507
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