Dance, monkey: Louis CK

We put a visiting comic on the hot seat
By SARA FAITH ALTERMAN  |  February 26, 2008
Louis CK

Louis CK | Berklee Performance Center, Boston | February 29 + March 1 | 617.931.2000
Name three things that are better than underpants.
Glazed doughnuts. I think that the World Health Organization is probably better. I don’t even know what they do, but I’m sure they’re more productive than underpants. And I would say that overpants are better than underpants.

If we made a movie about your life, but the only people you were allowed to cast would be former ’80S sit-com stars, who would play you, and who would play your love interest?
I would want Justine Bateman to play me, because I had a huge crush on her when she was on TV. So there’s something about her playing me that would be the ultimate contact. What a turn-on. And I don’t want a guy who plays me to have sex with her. There wouldn’t be a love interest. It would be like a dog or a monkey like in a Tom Hanks movie.

The New York Times just published a piece on “luxury dairy products” and the farms that produce them, which include a place in Seattle called the Pike Place Market Creamery that’s owned and operated by a woman named Nancy Nipples. Two–part question: what do you predict will be the next stupid food trend, and who will be the aptly named forerunner of that trend?
This is a tough one. Dairy is such a basic product that there might be a fetishist thing. Nipples are one of the only body parts that food comes out of. I’m going to say it’s going to be chocolate milk, and that it will be a guy named Malcolm P. Nipples III. I think it’s gonna stay “Nipples.”

What do you think Dennis Kucinich is doing right now?
Let’s see, it’s nine in the morning on the East Coast, he’s in Ohio. You know what? Same thing as everyone else is doing right now: jerking off to Internet porn. It’s the same thing he’d be doing as president, and the same thing the president is currently doing.

Related: Funny business, Robojudge, 74. Darryl McCauley, More more >
  Topics: Comedy , Tom Hanks, Dennis Kucinich, Louis C.K.,  More more >
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