Dance, Monkey: March 28, 2008

We put a comic on the hot seat
By SARA FAITH ALTERMAN  |  March 26, 2008
Tom Dustin
Use your ESP to predict what the next political scandal will be.
I predict that the nation will be rocked when the story hits that Barack Obama is a black man running for president. But that scandal will be overshadowed when the same exact news breaks about Hillary Clinton.

If you could give anyone in the world a swift punch in the junk, who would it be and why?
Anyone who agrees to pay me the additional fetish surcharge can have a slow, medium, or swift punch in the junk until they are satisfied or bruised, whichever comes first.

I heard you’re a dirty slut. True?
Half of that is true. Next question.

Do these pants make me look fat?
Don’t be silly. All women are flawless creations who should never let society’s idea of beauty make them worry or feel bad about themselves. Now lose the pants, cupcake — you look thinner without them.

It’s the five-year anniversary of the War in Iraq! Can you believe we made it this far? We really beat the odds. There were some rough patches, sure, but we did it! And we’re still going strong. God, I’m getting all teary. Anyway, what are you going to buy the War as a five-year-anniversary present?
I’m usually bad at relationships, but this one just feels right. I want to give the war something that really symbolizes our time together. I did some research and found out that the traditional gift for a five-year anniversary is wood, which is ironic because that’s exactly what war gives me.

Tom Dustin | Nick’s Comedy Stop, Boston | March 28 | 617.482.0930

Related: All hail Obama, Who’s the real Obama?, By George, it's Barack!, More more >
  Topics: Comedy , Barack Obama, Elections and Voting, Politics,  More more >
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