Dance, Monkey: Robert Schimmel

We put a visiting comic on the hot seat. This week's victim...
By SARA FAITH ALTERMAN  |  May 6, 2008
Robert Schimmel

Robert Schimmel | Comedy Connection, Boston | May 9-10 | 617.248.9700 | Cancer on $5 aDay (chemo not included): How Humor Got Me through the ToughestJourney of My Life [Da Capo; out now]
If you had to choose among kazoos, dentures, and Rupert Murdoch as a sex toy, which one would you go for? 
A kazoo. Because I can blow it or I can watch other people blow it. I can watch my wife blow it while I’m doing something else. My grandmother has dentures and I can’t even imagine anything sexy about that. And Murdoch? I’d like to stay in show business a little longer. How bad would that be, if someone told him I wanted to use him as a sex toy, and he said, “Huh, that’s funny. I just bought all of the clubs that Robert plays at. I guess now I’ll turn them all into a CVS.”

What kind of superpower do you think the super-delegates have?
The ability to become invisible when they have to make decisions on something really important.

Breaking news! Mariah Carey may or may not have gotten secretly married. How long do you think it will take for her to let herself go and get fat again?
I don’t give a shit.

What’s your take on comedy reality shows?
What would really be great would be if, at the end of the show, everyone was dead, except one comic, who is literally the last one standing. He wins.

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