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It appears that scientists at the University of Pittsburgh have taught monkeys to control robots with their minds. If you were a monkey, what would you make the robots do for you?
Foot massages and back rubs — all day, every day. Robots are hot and are incredibly strong. A monkey needs love too. Where do you think the term “monkey lovin’ ” came from?
First there were derailings, now there are fires and fatal crashes. What the bleep is going on with the T, and what should Mumbles Menino do about it?
He should team up with the Fung Wah bus company. Maybe they have some tips. Those bus drivers roll buses while they’re on fire and just keep on keepin’ on.
If you could wrestle with anyone, in a vat of anything, who would it be and what would you slam each other around in?
Chris Martin in a big vat of cake. Who doesn’t love cake? And that guy is pretty tiny. I could totally take him.
What should Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz name their bastard kid?
I so do not care. That kid is going to be in therapy before it’s out of diapers.
I’m, like, wasted right now. But, I just wanted to say that I love you, man. Seriously. No, seriously. I just . . . I love you.
No, I love you. You rule. As Bret Michaels would say, you’re awesome.
KELLY MACFARLAND | Comedy Lounge, Hyannis | June 6-7 | 508.771.1700On the Web
Comedy Lounge: www.comedylounge.com
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