Dance, Monkey: Brian Moote

We put a comic on the hot seat. This week’s victim . . .
By MARC HIRSH  |  July 23, 2008

Why the hell would anyone in Belgium want Budweiser enough to pay $52 billion for it?
I have no idea. I didn’t even know waffles made that much money.

Fix the economy. Fix it now.
I would legalize piracy and let everybody go get stuff. That’s a solid economic model, piracy, right? Go take things that you want from people? And then when people complain about it, just tell them to get a bigger sword.

If I got you drunk enough, what Olympic event would you be totally convinced you could win?
What’s that one where they cross-country-ski and shoot? The biathlon. Either that, or I’m pretty sure I could nail the pole vault. I’m that much better of an athlete when I’m intoxicated. It would just take beer to unlock that natural athletic prowess to be able to wedge a pole into a crevasse and launch myself over something.

What is the matter with kids today?
They’re so young. They just can’t vote. They can’t make any positive changes to the world.

I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?
Well, I do all my grocery shopping at CVS, so I’m going to go with a tube of Pringles and a Red Bull. But not just any Pringles, the pizza-flavored ones so that it feels like a dinner. I wouldn’t just get sour-cream-and-onion. That doesn’t have enough food groups in it.

Brian Moote | Comedy Lounge, Hyannis | August 22-23 | 508.771.1700

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Related: Dance, Monkey: J.J. Leslie, Dance, Monkey: Joe Rogan, Dance, Monkey: Bethany Van Delft, More more >
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  •   DANCE, MONKEY: JOE ROGAN  |  September 10, 2008
    These really are the dumbest questions ever.
  •   DANCE, MONKEY: JESSIE BAADE  |  September 03, 2008
    Tree humor is not funny. And I’ve tried. God knows I’ve tried.
  •   DANCE, MONKEY: STEVE HOFSTETTER  |  August 27, 2008
    Do you think we as a nation will ever be prepared to grant Dave Coulier immunity for his involvement with Alanis?
  •   DANCE, MONKEY: COREY RODRIGUES  |  August 20, 2008
    They find out I’m lip-synching, and it’s actually Milli Vanilli that’s doing the real singing this time. They’re trying to make a comeback, so I would just be a cover for them, and if that got blown, it would suck.
  •   DANCE, MONKEY: LAMONT PRICE  |  August 12, 2008
    I don’t know where I leave my pants sometimes, and I could care less.

 See all articles by: MARC HIRSH