Dance, Monkey: Selena Coppock

We put a visiting comic on the hot seat. This week's victim . . .
By MARC HIRSH  |  August 7, 2008


What was the last time you made out with a robot?
I’m going through a dry spell. It’s unfortunate. So it’s been a while, but let’s say I just want the robots out there to know that I’m still game for it. I’m open for love, that’s for sure. Robot love.

Tell me why Tila Tequila deserves a shot at love with me, like she's so important.
I don’t know. I think she’s kind of a psycho. That whole show is one of those shows that’s so bad you want to watch it. Which is why I watch Rock of Love and I Love Money. It’s the dregs of reality TV that are my favorite. But yeah, Tila Tequila, where’d you come from? You’re this manufactured little pop tart. Euch. Grody-wack.

What do I have to do to earn your vote?
In theory, keep the government out of my ovaries.

What about Starbucks? Do we have to keep Starbucks out of your ovaries?
Yeah, keep Starbucks out of there too. Thankfully, they’re shutting down some Starbucks, so I don’t think they’ll be jumping into my ovaries anytime soon.

What if they open up in only one ovary rather than both?
Then I would hope that Dunkin’ Donuts would open one in the other ovary. And I hope that Starbucks would eventually see that my ovaries and fallopian tubes prefer Double-D’s.

Is Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" the stupidest song of the year or what?
I’ll say it’s got a good beat, but I think it advocates pedophilia. Anyone who wears cherry ChapStick, to me, sounds like they’re in seventh grade. I find that actually very worrisome. I think there should be a part two to that song about having to register and inform your neighbors, because you thought it was just going to be a crazy night, making out with some chick with cherry ChapStick.

SELENA COPPOCK | Comedy Studio, Cambridge | August 7 + 10 | 617.661.6507

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  •   DANCE, MONKEY: JOE ROGAN  |  September 10, 2008
    These really are the dumbest questions ever.
  •   DANCE, MONKEY: JESSIE BAADE  |  September 03, 2008
    Tree humor is not funny. And I’ve tried. God knows I’ve tried.
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    Do you think we as a nation will ever be prepared to grant Dave Coulier immunity for his involvement with Alanis?
  •   DANCE, MONKEY: COREY RODRIGUES  |  August 20, 2008
    They find out I’m lip-synching, and it’s actually Milli Vanilli that’s doing the real singing this time. They’re trying to make a comeback, so I would just be a cover for them, and if that got blown, it would suck.
  •   DANCE, MONKEY: LAMONT PRICE  |  August 12, 2008
    I don’t know where I leave my pants sometimes, and I could care less.

 See all articles by: MARC HIRSH