THIS MORNING, I SAW THE FOLLOWING HEADLINE ON CNN.COM: "BEAVERS BACK IN BRITAIN." YOUR THOUGHTS?
CNN is always known to alliterate in a way that I find totally terribly torrential. And with these beavers back in Britain, it's time to jump in with the Brits and just bounce the beave.
WHAT DO YOU SUSPECT IS ACTUALLY THE CURE FOR THE COMMON COLD?
The actual real cure is, you take a pound of gristle, grind it up in your hand, put it into a pot, pour in hot water infused with saffron, pee in it — just a little bit, not enough to make it pungent, just a little pee-pee. Wrap it in tin foil, shake it, put it in the oven, pour some talcum powder on it, take that whole thing, wrap it in butter, then throw it away, drink some orange juice, and take a nap. Works every time.
FOR THE SEXY DAVID WAIN 2009 CALENDAR, HOW WOULD YOU POSE FOR THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER?
I would have my hands in my pockets of my tight jeans. I would have my shirt off with my carefully cropped chest hair glistening with a little bit of oil, but not too much, and I would be looking off to the side as if to say, "I'm pondering the coming fall" and "Who's gonna bail me out?"
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR?
I guess . . . purple.
LET'S SAY THAT YOU AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS WHO MAYBE HAVE MADE OUT A COUPLE OF TIMES, BUT IT NEVER REALLY MEANT ANYTHING. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GET ME FOR HANUKKAH?
The truth is, there are so many people who fit that description in my life, and I am getting all of these people who are that to me an encyclopedia of sports medicine. Largely because there was a big stand of them in the back of the Borders bookstore, so the deal was not to be missed.
DAVID WAIN, IN COMEDY TROUPE STELLA | Wilbur Theatre, Boston | December 11 @ 7:30 pm | 617.931.2000 orwww.thewilburtheatre.com